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-   -   New from New Hampshire (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23478)

Fourgreatapes 05-05-2012 02:56 AM

New from New Hampshire
 
Hi my name is MJ and my husband is TJ. We are working on our 11th year of marriage! together for 12. I will be 31 in August and he just turned 30. We have two young children 5 and 3. Last year my husband broached the subject about bringing another man into our relationship. It has taken us sometime but we are starting to finally branch out. Having said that we really have no idea what to do or how to go about doing this. Any advice or suggestions? Where do we start?

kdt26417 05-05-2012 03:22 AM

Well you can always start with the "Dating & Friendships" area (Use the "Forum Jump" menu, bottom of this page, right hand side, to get there). I think you can post personals in there if you want.

Other than that, you can just do some reading and perusing of the various threads on all the boards in this forum. See what interests you. If you find that some questions come to your mind, go ahead and ask. Or express any thoughts or concerns you may have. That's what we're here for.

Another good website to check out (in addition to Polyamory.com) is Franklin Veaux's poly pages. Also, while you're here, check out the "Golden Nuggets" threads (especially http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...6870#post16870). They have answers to many of the classic questions.

You have a good marriage and a beautiful family. Polyamory can be a part of that, just give it lots of love and some time.

Welcome, MJ and TJ.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

CielDuMatin 05-07-2012 07:01 PM

Welcome! My advice, since you asked, is to start very slowly. before you introduce anyone else, work some stuff out for yourselves.

First understand your own needs/wants and likes for the relationship, then compare notes with your partner. Come up with boundaries that you are not willing to cross. You may knot have the answers to these before you start doing it, but the more you do know about the other, the better.

Typical things to ask are:
* Are you going to always date as a couple, or is it ok if one of you goes out on a date with the person
* Is it ok if only one of you has sex with this new person, or must it be you both together?
* Is it ok if the other person is already in a relationship? It is ok if, while dating you, the person has other relationships?
* Is it ok if the person has children?
* Are you expecting that the other person would eventually live with you?
* If the person has another place, is it ok if one of you sleeps overnight there?

So much of the next few questions will depend on those answers. If you want to use this board as a sounding board for them, please feel free - a lot of us have been through this sort of thing, but everyone is different.


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