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-   -   Newbies from Kansas (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23474)

Erprlovincouple 05-04-2012 11:17 PM

Newbies from Kansas
Hi, my name is Trisha and my husband, life mate, and best friend is Eric (hope that didn't sound to corny). I'm 45 & he's 50, we have been married 8 yrs and together for 9. Needless to say this wasn't our first time at the rodeo. We both had been in mono relationships where we were faithful and or spouses wern't, so we both decided to be very open & honest with each other ( the being cheated on is bad enough but being bold faced lied to & made to feel like we were being paranoid and crazy by or spouses was worse). We had both been interested in having a more openly sexual relationship prior to meeting, me due to a research paper I did in college, him because he wanted to try a honest open sexual and romantic relationship. I am bi curious and have had a few bi experiences, some good some not so good, he loves seeing me having pleasure, and well he's a man and enjoys sex also. We were monogamous our 1st couple of marital life but I was still wanting more sexually and emotionally that as a male he simply didn't have the female body or mind for, and he also wanted to extend our relationship, so we tried swinging. While swinging is fun both of us feel the emotional part is missing and we both want that connection. We both are educated, I am a RN and he is a supervisor of maintance in a factory. We are empty nesters unless you count the dog and 2 cats. We are just as happy watching the history channel, discovery, or science channel as we are going out to a club to meet people and dance. Due to our pasts we believe in being open, honest, and kind to others. We both love to watch funny shows, laughter is good for the soul. We are spiritual but not religious and believe in tolerance. Well that's us, so hello and nice to meet everyone

kdt26417 05-05-2012 12:06 AM

Hello Trisha and Eric,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds like you guys have had quite a journey to get to where you are today. I have always felt very emotionally-connected about sex (and value emotional connections in general), so I can relate to you about that. Hopefully on this site you can find a lot of like-minded people to converse with and exchange thoughts/ideas. Let us know if you have any questions.

I'm glad you're here.
Kevin T.

Erprlovincouple 05-07-2012 11:33 PM

Newbies from Kansas
Thanks, I (Trisha), really do have trouble with none committed, non emotional sex. I guess in a way I am still a little old fashioned in a way. To me when I have sex in the swingers lifestyle I can preform well but I don't get anything out of it except making my husband happy. I just have a hard time letting go unless I'm with someone I have some warm feelings for. I'm not for sure if it is because I'm a woman or if I'm just got too many hang ups. I really do sex and intimacy but I have trouble enjoying sex with out intimacy, this is why polyamory appeals to me. Talking with Eric, he also wants more, a relationship that is ongoing, an intimate friendship that hopefully develops into a truly loving committed relationship, just finding it and knowing how to approach someone about this is difficult when you are new to this and don't know where to begin to find that 3rd partner, let allow another couple which I would prefer. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Trisha

kdt26417 05-08-2012 01:02 AM

Well, as far as this site is concerned at least, you can go to the "Dating & Friendships" area (use the "Forum Jump" menu, bottom of this page, right hand side, to get there). I think you can post personals there; maybe there's someone else out there in your neck of the woods who's seeking something similar.

Other links/ideas:



"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like renaisance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...57394#msg57394
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you just meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

Don't know if this helps. It might be a place to start.


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