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-   -   Which do you prefer ? An immediate connection, or a slow build-up ? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2345)

SourGirl 03-19-2010 07:08 PM

Which do you prefer ? An immediate connection, or a slow build-up ?
 
This is just a question born out of fun curiosity !

Which type of attraction do you prefer when you meet someone new ? Do you enjoy, (and possibly only follow) if there is a instant, passionate connection, or do you prefer to go slow, and have the feelings build up ?


(Of course, this isn`t to say, that a instant connection, does not build up.)


More like, the ' Intense eyes locking across the room ',
vs.
' The pleasant surprises and feelings that come along the more you speak and are around someone.'


I was thinking about myself, and any of the long-lasting, endearing, relationships I have ever had with women, always started out with that immediate connection.

Where as, the relationships I had with men that I cherished, have come from the slow, build-up model.


None of it was intentional, but it now has me curious about others.

Share any stories you would like !

saudade 03-19-2010 08:21 PM

All the lovers in my life these days have been the slow build-up sort, at least in my recollection of things. We usually start as acquaintances, gradually become friends, and then suddenly a switch throws and I'm imagining the future.. I like the intensity happening later. :)

Ariakas 03-19-2010 08:29 PM

Immediate connection. Maybe its something I have to learn, but I find the slow moving thing gets me friendship only. And in my experience, I have never been able to cross that bridge with friends to lovers. Maybe its the way I make female friends, not sure.

This is obviously limiting, I have more female friends than I can count, and I really don't know how to approach being with someone who I have been friends with. haha...I have considered it with a couple but reall don't know how to breach that topic

haha thanks, you just threw my brain into a small tailspin.

SourGirl 03-19-2010 08:47 PM

Hee Hee,..you`re welcome. Analyzing minds, love co-conspirators. :p

LovingRadiance 03-20-2010 04:20 AM

heheehee,

Both!!

Maca was an INSTANT connection.
GG was a slow build up.

;)

SchrodingersCat 03-20-2010 07:04 AM

Neither...both...

If I don't feel SOME connection right off the hop, I don't wait around to see if it grows. But I don't just fall head-over-heals right off the bat and leap without checking the depth of the water.

thunkybunny 03-20-2010 07:31 AM

Slow build-up followed by rutting like rabbits. :D

CielDuMatin 03-20-2010 02:13 PM

While that instant draw and the let's find a room has a certain romantic appeal to it, it's not a basis on which I have been able to build deep and lasting relationships (which is my preference).

Yes, I think there to be some sort of chemistry there from the get-go, but even then that's not mandatory. I like to get to know someone and really get to know their mind before taking it more intimate - sometimes once I get to know their minds the spark disappears, sometimes it just grows more and more intense - those are the good ones. ;)

GroundedSpirit 03-21-2010 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 24472)
This is obviously limiting, I have more female friends than I can count, and I really don't know how to approach being with someone who I have been friends with. haha...I have considered it with a couple but reall don't know how to breach that topic

haha thanks, you just threw my brain into a small tailspin.

This is an experience we both also have had.
I wonder if this might make an interesting thread in itself ?

How DO you approach someone that you already have a close friendly relationship with the potential of taking it to another level ?

Love to hear insights others may have on this........

GS


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