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-   -   Advice on dual marriage? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23409)

smokymtngirl85 05-02-2012 03:56 AM

Advice on dual marriage?
Hi. I am poly and in 2 very committed relationships. :)

I am legally & happily married to one partner.

I am engaged to my other partner.

I know that you cannot be legally married to 2 people cause that's called "bigamy(?)" but we need some direction. :eek:

:confused:I need to know if what we want to do is considered illegal.
We would like to have a non-traditional ceremony with a few traditional aspects (wedding dress, tux, etc) even though our "marriage" cannot be legal we still want to go through the motions.

:confused:Also I wanted to know if there is anyone out there who has done this. How did you do it?

We both agree that using traditional vows really doesnt fit the situation so we want to do something non-traditional. I looked into handfasting but the history behind it seems too flaky and primarily based on "trial" marriage and betrothal. We are already engaged and we have no need for a "trial." I've already tried him on, I love him and he loves me so we're good, lol.

:p I just want my wedding day with my fiance.

So please, if you have any experience with this lmk i am in need of much advice on how to go about this wedding, what type of wedding to have, and how to go about transitioning into Polyandry. :cool:


As a side note, my fiance and I want to have a child together. Does anyone have any advice on that end?

pollyshari 05-02-2012 04:19 AM

Well, it us uncharted territory, so be creative.

Bon Chance!

km34 05-02-2012 06:01 AM

As long as you don't claim each other as spouses in a legal context (taxes, insurance forms, etc) it's hard to prove any crime. You can commit yourself to whomever you like as long as you don't try to use it legally.

I did a handfasting at my (legal) wedding. I didn't find it to be flaky or transitory or anything. Historically they were used as temporary in cases where bearing an heir was a necessity. The words we chose to spoke showed our commitment to one another, but also acknowledged that the marriage/relationship will only last as long as we are both in love. I don't regret including that at all.

You can do everything like a traditional wedding except for signing a marriage certificate. Do whatever you would do if you were going about it for a "normal" marriage. Enjoy your day. Do everything you dream of doing. Just don't include the government or any paperwork that could be considered proof of marriage and you're good.

The only other way it can be construed as illegal is under the bigamy or adultery laws. These vary by country and by state in the US. Most states don't do anything about them unless they get a lot of complaints about a particular family. As long as you are low profile (i.e. not on national television and such), the likelihood of their being legal repercussions for breaking that law is slim.

Ready2Fly 05-02-2012 12:19 PM

You should actually go read the bigamy laws in your state. They will almost certainly be on line somewhere; it's just a question of navigating them. Find your state's database of statues and look first under penal code, and then under something like "Crimes Against Public Morals" or "Crimes Against the Marriage Relationship".

Most bigamy laws are worded to criminalize not only multiple legal marriages, but also purporting to marry more than one person. This is why the family on that "Sister Wives" program had to move, even though there was only one legal marriage there.

Chances are you'd be running technically afoul of the law, but since Lawrence v. Texas, chances are also pretty good, so long as there are only 0 to 1 legal marriages involved, that the SCOTUS would overturn any conviction. It's just that you probably don't want to be the test case.

That's technically. In real life, no one is going to care unless you go on TV with it. There are lots of married triads, quads, and tribes.

As far as what to do on your wedding day... I'd say do whatever the three of you decide you want. It's your wedding.

smokymtngirl85 05-08-2012 04:08 PM

I appreciate the replies everyone =) I at least have a direction to go in now!

niceinjeans 05-08-2012 04:52 PM

relationship llc
I do not want to threadjack your thread, but I believe what I have to say is directly related and may be helpful. There has been some great information about recognized marriage in this thread.

Has anyone looked into forming an LLC to provide financial, insurance, and other benefits to their non traditional family?

I have been reading about Relationship LLC lately. I would very much like to hear what others have to say about this model.

Piroska 05-09-2012 04:45 PM

LLCs are very useful entities; I've also heard that they can be used for multi-person relationships as you say, for insurance, assets and other similar things. I've formed several LLCs (for business purposes) and can tell you it's pretty easy and quick as long as you know the rules of your state (or the state you want to form it in) and what you want to do with it. I'd be happy to share more if anyone is interested.

On the wedding, I second most everyone - do what you want! have the dress, the party the whole nine yards if that's what you want. But I would also just double check the exact wording of the bigamy/adultery laws in your state, just so you know exactly what the letter of the law is.

Piroska 05-09-2012 04:57 PM

I took the liberty of looking up NC's laws (your profile says NC, smokymtngirl85?) -

and wow. A marriage where one person is impotent is void too. Interesting. Anyway, they criminalize bigamy, and adultery, and presenting yourself as married with a person to whom you are not legally married when obtaining a hotel room. But not much else about getting non-legally married.

Now I've got to go read Ohio's laws...

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