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-   -   Poly and the Military (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23396)

CielDuMatin 05-01-2012 06:09 PM

Poly and the Military
 
So a post in the D&F/NA boards got me thinking, and even though I posted the question there, not everyone frequents those boards, so thought I would aks it here.

Are there are folks on here who are active military? (Failing that, anyone who knows enough about the topic to contribute).

What is the military's attitude towards polyamory? I know they take a dim view from a security situation when it comes to extra-marital relationships - honey trap risk and the like. Can you be "out" as a poly person in the military, do they have a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, or is it an "Ask, and lie about, and hope you don't get caught" policy?

Even more - I'd be interested to know the different attitudes with different country's military policies.

ThatGirlInGray 05-01-2012 10:38 PM

Talked to a friend who was in the U.S. Army for 10 years about this, and he says being "out" as poly would cost one their security clearance and could end one's military career. It could also limit private-sector but military-related opportunities. But he also said that, while rarely enforced, anything except "missionary" is also technically a no-no, so there's always a convenient question of what would be enforced and what wouldn't.

BrigidsDaughter 05-02-2012 11:28 PM

While Runic Wolf was active military, we knew a few couples who were swingers or open, but it was definitely something you kept under wraps. One was the head of Fort Riley Pagan Association's husband, who was bi-sexual. We only found out about it because the wife and I were pregnant together and spent alot of time together while our husbands were in the field.

The wife of one of Runic Wolf's sergeants seduced him a few months before we were married, with her husband's consent and I received an invitation for her and I to fool around, while they watched, once I arrived in town. Both Runic Wolf and his sergeant knew not to say anything or it would be both of their careers and possibly jail time.

While we were stationed in Kansas, we heard of a soldier who got sent to Fort Levenworth for getting a blow job while driving and getting caught. Blow jobs are considered sodomy according to the US Code of Military Justice.

RfromRMC 05-03-2012 12:42 AM

I wouldn't recommend being out as poly at least not using the word...especially if you or a partner is married.

But otherwise, there's probably some things they shrug off if you don't get technical. Like if a guy---unmarried---just hanging with the guys in his unit said "Back in my hometown I have three girlfriends" they'd probably just laugh or even be jealous. :D

ThatGirlInGray 05-03-2012 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RfromRMC (Post 134716)
But otherwise, there's probably some things they shrug off if you don't get technical. Like if a guy---unmarried---just hanging with the guys in his unit said "Back in my hometown I have three girlfriends" they'd probably just laugh or even be jealous. :D

You're probably right, but I wouldn't be so smiley about it. If I, as a woman, said that back home I had three boyfriends I'd be a slut, whore, tease, etc. Yet another example of the sexism still in force.

Fobwatch 05-07-2012 03:12 AM

Within the British military I havent heard of there being any mention. On an application at least Ive only seen any questions on whether there are any family members dependent on you. With sexuality at least it is considered an irrelevance :)

One question I will ask is how military families interact with others as they seem to be a quite close knit group and I assume would notice.

lovefromgirl 05-07-2012 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fobwatch (Post 135193)
One question I will ask is how military families interact with others as they seem to be a quite close knit group and I assume would notice.

Maybe these days, but when my dad was military, we didn't do things mainly with military families. We did things with whoever popped up to be friends in the neighborhood. Weren't living on base housing at the time, though, so maybe it's different for those who do...

redpepper 05-09-2012 06:36 PM

there are other threads tagged "military" if anyone is interested in a search. :)

Allstar 05-18-2012 05:34 AM

To give you my background. I am Active USN 9 years in my gf is active USN 11 years in. If your partner or you are married and in the military you are guilty of adultery punishable under the UCMJ Article 134 General Misconduct, listed in paragraph 62 (stupid catch all). This is indisputable. Now other concerns to watch out for, if your spouse or partners spouse gets upset about this, they can blow the whistle and no matter if they agreed at one point and you stopped when they asked you are still guilty of it. It is the sad fact. You are subject to NJP for this, max punishment is able to be granted 45/45, reduction in rank by one rank, and half a months pay x2 months. If you are E7-E9 and think you are safe because of the Act of Congress thing, you are wrong your reenlistment paper work will be denied. If you are an officer you will lose your commissioning. Work around if you feel you are going to get busted set up allotments that they they can only take half of what you leave in your primary bank out. Also if your partner is military as well you have to worry about Article 92 Fraternization. Best advice, tread lightly and tell no one. I know my gf was in a triad and didn't tell anyone besides her best friend and family. Her retired Master Chief father, wasn't pleased but gave the same advice to her.

Now if both parties are single, as usual for the military they could care less about single people. Hope this helped

Emm 05-18-2012 12:06 PM

It's much easier over here where nobody cares who's doing what with whom so long as it's all legal and consensual. My clearance won't take a hit if I'm upfront about it; it's only if I was trying to hide it that I'd be leaving myself open to blackmail, etc, and become a security risk.


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