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-   -   really reluctant (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23391)

BrandonWin 05-01-2012 01:03 PM

really reluctant
Hello. I have been reading these forums for a while and have been really reluctant to introduce myself. I'm here because I am having a lot more difficulty with the emotions involved in poly than I ever thought I would but to be completely honest, I'm reluctant to post about it because of the hard line some of the people here take. I'm not in a place now where I want to feel judged, so I'm probably going to just keep on reading. But please remember when you make a comment on someone's thread, there is a real person on the other end of the computer who may be really hurting, and the truth that *you* feel is so perfect and helpful for you may be hurtful to the person you are trying to help. Wishing everyone here peace - brandon

dingedheart 05-01-2012 03:56 PM

hello, and welcome

How long have you been struggling ? Whats you're situation.?

I think you'll find that most here are tough but fair :D

CielDuMatin 05-01-2012 04:00 PM

Welcome to the forum.

Sorry you don't feel ready yet to tell your story, but if you're not comfortable, I quite understand. Nobody should force or cajole you into doing anything that you don't want to.

Sometimes there is some "tough love" shown on this forum. Often it's done from a place of caring, though - a lot of us have had less than good introductions to the poly world, either through our own actions or the actions of others. Part of why a lot of us are here is to hopefully be able to help others not to make the same mistakes by seeing things in a different light, or from a different perspective.

Could it be that that you are seeing? How would you characterise this "hard line" that you see?

kdt26417 05-01-2012 07:34 PM

Hi Brandon,
Welcome to our forum.

I very much sympathize with your reluctance to post. Once you put a post out there, it's in the public forum, and you are subject to the reactions of a whole range of people. Some people are gentle; some, not so much. I guess you have to feel up to rolling the dice, if you really want to post. But of course, if you're hurting, you're less likely to feel up to rolling the dice, and unfortunately when you're hurting that's also when you need supportive feedback. So what can you do, it's a rock and a hard place.

If it would help you can message me privately; I will try to help if I can.

I hope you are able to get some of your feelings worked out, through further reading, if nothing else.

Kevin T.

ThatGirlInGray 05-01-2012 11:45 PM

Thanks for having the courage to say that Brandon. I've only been on this forum 5 months and I've seen that reaction (or similar) talked about several times. You are not alone! I second what Kevin said- maybe send a private message to one or two people whose responses in other threads you've felt comfortable with. I can't think of anyone here, even the "hard-liners", who would mind being asked for advice in a PM, especially if you explain why you're reluctant to post in the main forum.

Rowan 05-02-2012 11:12 PM

Hi Brandon, I feel a bit odd welcoming you since I'm also so new, but "welcome".

I tend to only get on this site at home, where I don't have to worry about who's watching over my shoulder, but I'd like to offer my exceptional listening ears and my handy-dandy-drip-dry shoulder should you ever feel the need. =)

I'm told I'm really good at hearing people, so the offer is genuine.


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