Polyamory.com Forum

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LennonFiend 04-27-2012 09:27 PM

I am a thirty year old single father of twins who is looking into polyamory for the first time. I have had three multiple years monogamous relationships in the past, but something just didn't feel right. I have been instructed not to go into too much depth here, but some personal traumas early on in my life have created in me what I think is the inability to truly give myself over to another person. I can function normally within the relationship, but I can quickly turn my back when things get difficult. Not because I am callous, far from it, but rather because I never allow myself to get that close in the first place. I constantly feel inferior, nervous, sexually inadequate and what not. Recently I have been addressing these issues with meds and such and have made a pretty good turn around in all aspects of my life except the sexual realm. I want to be with someone, but I don't think I can truly be myself if there are inadequacy issues on my end, and what I think might take care of that is to eliminate them all together and allow my mate to have other relationships.

CielDuMatin 04-27-2012 09:35 PM

Welcome to the forum!

I appreciate the sensitive and difficult nature of the stuff you are going through.

Let me see if I can sum up what is going on in my own words, to make sure I understand it.

You have a mate and have struggled with your relationship due to a bunch of mental and physical issues, including your sexual activity level which does not match hers. You have been working on yourself and feel like you have been making some good progress, but you still do not feel that you are satisfying your mate.

You are feeling like one way to take the pressure off you and to get your mate the sex that she wants is to allow her to have other relationships, in addition to the one with you.

Have I summed that up accurately, or have I totally missed the boat on something?

kdt26417 04-27-2012 11:49 PM

Well, he said he was a "single father," and that the "three multiple years monogamous relationships" were "in the past." Don't know if that means the latest one is maybe something that could happen again.

@ LennonFiend: Welcome to our forum. It sounds like you've had your fair share of struggles in life, and are hoping polyamory is part of the answer for you. Hopefully it is. Have a look around on the various threads in the site, and don't hesitate to ask any questions.

Maybe those inadequacy issues will turn around soon; I hope so.

In any case, glad to have you aboard!
Kevin T.

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