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-   -   Searching for answers from the Poly world (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23279)

anapoly08 04-26-2012 07:04 AM

Searching for answers from the Poly world
 
Hello Poly Family,

I have decided to conduct a study and write a research paper on Polyamory. I hold the upmost respect for the Polyamourous community and am hoping to inform those who have misconceptions of Polyamory. Since polyamory is such a broad topic my professor has asked me to narrow it down to a more specific area. With that said, I have decided to focus my paper on polyamory and money management. Is there anyone who would be willing to answer some questions for my research paper? it would be a great help and also give a clear perspective for my paper coming directly from the inside of the Polyamourous community. The questions are very simple and direct for ex:

How long have you been together?Who has the most decision-making power and why?
Do you share bank accounts?
What are the gender dynamics of your relationship i.e. do you stick to the same gender roles as do those in monogamous relationships?When you go out how do you determine if you take everyone or just one person? How does that determine the budget of the evening?
Etc.

Thank you so much I look forward to hearing from you all:)

nycindie 04-26-2012 09:15 AM

Can you provide a little more info? Most people who come here doing research do not do so completely anonymously. They usually tell us what university they are in, the subject of study, if it's for a graduate degree or undergrad project, and so on.

DevotedGeek 04-26-2012 10:39 AM

Also, if you have specific questions in mind, then you might consider creating a standardized survey with SurveyMonkey. That way, you can more easily structure your data plus enable responses to be submitted anonymously.

anapoly08 04-27-2012 01:15 AM

Updated information on Poly research
 
Certainly, sorry I should of included all of this information. I attend the University of North Texas, my major is communications and I am an undergrad. I actually graduate this May so this is my last paper (hooray). I am really enthusiastic about this paper because my professor has never been presented with this research topic before so she is excited to read this. I am looking into surveymonkey I was unaware of this site. However I would only need to know if you are a male or female and your age as far as demographics and of course the answer to the questions.

Please let me know if you are interested and rather its via survey monkey or a private message I will forward you the direct questions. Thank You

Alleycat 04-27-2012 06:26 AM

May I also suggest the questions "how many partners do you have that you live with?"

Five single persons dating five other single persons each for example, all have complete financial autonomy from each other, which would slate a data trend one way, wheras a sextuple of three couples sharing a house with four of them working would slate it another way.

AnnabelMore 04-27-2012 03:10 PM

You can feel free to message me with the survey link, but why don't you just post it here? It seems like that would be the easiest thing.

anapoly08 04-28-2012 05:04 AM

Here are my research questions
 
Your right it is much easier to post them on here. The only demographics I ask for are your gender and age.

1. Who is all inclusive of your polyamorous group?

2. How many partners do you have that you live with?

3. How long have you been together?

4. Did you start out in a monogamous relationship and then change to Polyamorous relationship? Why?

5. Who has the most decision-making power and why is that specific person in the group given that power?

6. Do you share bank accounts?

7. What are the gender dynamics of your relationship i.e. do you stick to the same gender roles as do those in monogamous relationships?

8. How does money affect your choice in who is going to be accepted in the group?

9. When you go out how do you determine if you take everyone or just one person? How does that determine the budget of the evening?

10. Other than sharing bank accounts or budgeting how do you guys handle the money issues in your relationship?

11. Do you talk about money issues in the relationship?

12. How satisfied/happy are you with regards to the current money situation in your relationship? If you are not happy, how would you change it?

Again thank you so much for your participation this means a great deal for me and will definitely help with my research paper.

ThatGirlInGray 04-28-2012 04:32 PM

I have a question about Question #7. Which gender dynamics are you asking about? Are you asking from a purely money management stand-point? And, comparing to "those" in mono relationships- I'm not sure that's answerable. Mono relationships can run the gamut in gender dynamics as well, in a M/F couple or a same-sex couple. I could answer your question that yes, my gender dynamics with MC and TGIB are the same as if I were in a mono relationship with each of them, but I couldn't tell you how those gender dynamics would compare to other mono couples.

I can work on answering the other questions, but I need some guidance for #7, thanks!

JaneQSmythe 04-28-2012 08:39 PM

The only demographics I ask for are your gender and age.

Female, 38

1. Who is all inclusive of your polyamorous group?

me, my husband, my boyfriend - depending on how you define "polyamorous group" I have two "friends with benefits" that I have been with in the past and may be with again in the future.

2. How many partners do you have that you live with?

I live with my husband and my boyfriend.

3. How long have you been together?

I have been with my husband for 20 years, married for 16. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year. I have been with my FWBs intermittently for 19 and 6 years.

4. Did you start out in a monogamous relationship and then change to Polyamorous relationship? Why?

I have never considered my relationship with my husband to be monogamous, although for long stretches of time it was functionally so (i.e. neither of us actively seeing anyone else).

5. Who has the most decision-making power and why is that specific person in the group given that power?

Um, "descision-making power" about what?

I make the financial decisions (savings, insurance, retirement, etc) with input from my husband. Major decisions (buying a house or car) are made jointly with my husband. I make investment decisions. Personal Finance and Investing are a hobby for me - I enjoy it and he doesn't. Therefore it's my job.

My husband and boyfriend make decisions about house maintenance, car care, appliance/electronic/computer purchases depending on their areas of expertise and subject to my estimation of affordability.

6. Do you share bank accounts?

My husband and I share our accounts. He also has his own "fun money account" (transferred out of our joint account monthly and supplemented by any incidental income he generates). My boyfriend keeps his own money separate (if he has any:rolleyes:).

7. What are the gender dynamics of your relationship i.e. do you stick to the same gender roles as do those in monogamous relationships?

I'm not sure what gender roles people in monogamous relationships "stick to"...

I go to work, pay the bills and take care of the household finances/investing.

The boys take care of the cars, house, pets, errands, shopping, cooking etc.

Theoretically we all should be taking care of cleaning - in practice none of us do (this place is a MESS!)

8. How does money affect your choice in who is going to be accepted in the group?

It doesn't.

9. When you go out how do you determine if you take everyone or just one person? How does that determine the budget of the evening?

If we are going out socially we either all go, or just the people who are interested. (i.e. my husband and boyfriend may go to the bar to watch the hockey game or go to the casino without me since I am not interested, I may go to a movie or dinner with one or the other or both depending on who is interested). If my husband is along he pays out of his "fun money account" otherwise I pay.

I take my husband to work functions, also most family functions.

10. Other than sharing bank accounts or budgeting how do you guys handle the money issues in your relationship?

I keep them posted as to the general state of our finances and ask them to scale back if money is tighter. They consult with me before making major purchases.

11. Do you talk about money issues in the relationship?

Yes, as above.

12. How satisfied/happy are you with regards to the current money situation in your relationship? If you are not happy, how would you change it?

My issues with the finances stem from the fact that we have not yet sold our old house (the boys still have some contracting work to do on it for me) and we recently had major expenses associated with one of our cars. I'm satisfied with our current set-up with regard to day-to-day finances.

lovefromgirl 04-28-2012 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anapoly08 (Post 134218)
The only demographics I ask for are your gender and age.

Female-bodied female, 26.

1. Who is all inclusive of your polyamorous group? I am one leg of a vee with CielDuMatin (the hinge, male, poly) + our metamour (other leg, female, mono).

2. How many partners do you have that you live with? None. They live together; she has boundaries around other people living with them, and I'm okay with it. She's deathly allergic to cats and I will never not have any. ;) I live with my parents due to a disabling illness.

3. How long have you been together? CdM and I are going on four years.

4. Did you start out in a monogamous relationship and then change to Polyamorous relationship? Why? Nope. The two of us have been poly from the start. I look awfully monogamous right now, but I have Things Going On that make dating the way I prefer to date difficult.

5. Who has the most decision-making power and why is that specific person in the group given that power? Within each dyad, decisions are made mutually. If something comes up that affects all three, we have a good long talk and come as close to consensus as possible.

6. Do you share bank accounts? No.

7. What are the gender dynamics of your relationship i.e. do you stick to the same gender roles as do those in monogamous relationships? What gender dynamics? We are who we are. I'd say if anything, we're both more stereotypically feminine than masculine, and we like it that way. I suppose he knows more about cars, mainly because I had nothing to do with them until two years ago and he has been driving for at least twenty.

8. How does money affect your choice in who is going to be accepted in the group? As long as you manage what you have responsibly, we'll probably get along well. I have all of seven thousand dollars and a twelve-year-old car to my name. I live within my means; my only debt is my student loans, and it's understood that I need that debt in order to avoid worse debt in the future. (You know, so I can get a job.) We all know the value of a dollar (Canadian and American; also pounds and Euros), and I don't think I could be with people who didn't.

9. When you go out how do you determine if you take everyone or just one person? How does that determine the budget of the evening? Whose interest is it? Where is the event? Typically we go by whose budget has the least wiggle room. With only three of us, and me living two hours away from them, there are limited permutations; it's really less complicated than one might suppose.

10. Other than sharing bank accounts or budgeting how do you guys handle the money issues in your relationship? We really don't have money issues beyond "who's buying dinner?" and "how much do I spend on your birthday/Christmas present?" Those are solved by talking.

11. Do you talk about money issues in the relationship? ...see #10.

12. How satisfied/happy are you with regards to the current money situation in your relationship? If you are not happy, how would you change it? Look, in an ideal world, I'd have married him solely for his health insurance. I don't think I care otherwise. I'm... coping, they're solvent, all's well. If something changes, we'll handle it as we handle every other major issue (see #5).

Quote:

Again thank you so much for your participation this means a great deal for me and will definitely help with my research paper.
I may end up drawing on your research for my own someday, so I'm just paying it forward. If I may ask, from what angle are you approaching polyamory? Poly as a whole is quite broad, and I noticed a preponderance of budget-related questions. I'm not out to steal anyone's thesis, but I am interested from an academic point of view.


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