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-   -   Things to mention if you are looking for a new poly relationship (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23271)

CielDuMatin 04-25-2012 09:01 PM

Things to mention if you are looking for a new poly relationship
 
So I see so many personal ads, here and in other places, that give so very few details about what they are looking for...

I'm not going to pick on any one ad, and I am definitely not just picking on the so-called Unicorn Hunters out there, but isn't what you are looking for a little more than a gender?

If you want to encourage someone to write back, it would be a good idea if you could give them an idea of whether or not they are wasting their time...

So, in the hopes of making things better, I am starting this thread to allow the folks that may respond to such ads an opportunity to talk about what information they would like to see in such an ad.

I'd like to try to keep this constructive, and not bring in some of the "digs" that people make towards folks that are searching.

I'd like to avoid the non-poly suggestions, which I think are easy to find on other "dating help" websites (such as kids, religion, etc)

If this turns into a useful list, then maybe we can refer to it in our discussions with disillusioned folks who post here, or maybe help those posting in our personal section with some ideas....

So, as some starting ideas:
* What's your own relationship status? Do you, or either of you, have other lovers?
* Are you expecting this other person to be completely single, or is it ok if they have (or develop while knowing you) other relationships.
* Would you be ok with starting a relationship with another couple?
* Are you willing to do a Long Distance Relationship? If so, are you willing to travel to them, expecting them to come to you, or split it 50/50
* If you are a couple, are you willing to develop individual relationships with each member of the couple or is this a "package deal".

What else is sort of poly-specific?

CielDuMatin 04-27-2012 02:44 PM

Shame this idea didn't get more traction... I see so many posts on the wanted areas that are just so... hopeless....

redpepper 04-28-2012 04:12 PM

I don't think that the people that post in the ads section look at other forums really. They want what they want, no discussions needed. It isn't until they get all whiny and discouraged that they come here and ask "whhyyyyy am I not getting the ladies to love us?" Then we tell them its because your approach is flawed. Try this.

Good try CDM. Maybe someday it will take off. Stranger things have happened. ;)

CielDuMatin 04-28-2012 10:18 PM

The idea was mroe to try to find a collection of information in one thread that we could post a link to in the personals ads section...

fkarl 05-02-2012 08:40 AM

Just starting down this road (officially) myself so its valuable info to have.....

Here is what I would lean towards should I ever post an ad.... (not necessarily worded like this... just throwing out ideas of what we are looking for so you get the idea.)

Mono wife/nonsexual poly husband in search of....
someone who likes the outdoors, is health conscious, generous with feelings and affection. Wife likes to garden, take care of her chickens, go to church, sing, listen to music, dance. Husband likes fishing, reading, hunting, (although its mostly just hunting with cameras), horror movies.
Both like nature walks, sushi, eating out in general, campfires, camping, documentaries.
THis just scratches the surface really.... male or female doesn't really matter, but we both relate better to females, A couple that we could connect with with out worry about who is going on a date with whom would be great. We are both pretty affectionate, and open with our feelings. Some contact including hugs, pecks, hand holding, snuggling while watching tv or movies..... Just someone to share lifes journey with in general that will "be there" both physically and emotionally. We are great with eachother, but have varied and different interests that don't always mesh well.... so we look for friends to do these things with rather than drag the other along. The hope is that the relationship goes beyond the typical superficial "drinking buddy".


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