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-   -   Scared? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23075)

Maskofdj 04-16-2012 02:39 AM

Asked in intros might get more help here

We are secure in our relationship but I am terrified that he will eventually develop deep feelings for the other woman that cause him to leave how as a couple can we both achieve getting over this?


redpepper 04-16-2012 04:45 AM

That could happen, but then that could happen regardless of your relationship dynamic. In my experience letting all of that go and working on myself and what I want out of life, while walking hand in hand with my partners means that I am never alone. I always have me and that is where I put most of my effort; working on me.

I have found that it is a very attractive thing to be confident, self assured and have good self esteem. So much so that my partners are not wanting to leave me for others, because they know that they can have the freedom they want and need and STILL have me in their lives. I find these traits attractive in others also. :)

If I started controlling what people do because I am afraid they will leave me it would become very unappealing and I would likely lose them as its just, well, stifling of being able to ones full potential. Who wants to stay in something that is stifling when they can have freedom to live life to its fullest.

Okay, that being said that doesn't mean they do whatever they like. Nor do I. Relationship dynamics that foster personal growth and freedom rely on commitment, open and honest communication with oneself and others, integrity, consideration of all (empathy, compassion) and a healthy dose of forgiveness for when people fuck up. All that in place and working well and its really easy to let it all go and allow for room to breath and move.

Maskofdj 04-16-2012 04:52 AM

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart I have been told this bit I guess I needed to read it we have also been sitting down and discussing what you guys have posted I believe its what we needed to hear and discuss so thank you

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