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-   -   Name This Relationship (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22999)

Authentic 04-11-2012 06:34 PM

Name This Relationship
I recently broke off a monogamous relationship because it just wasn't true to who I am.

And I joined this forum so I can find out the relationship that is intimate, honest, and true to the way I am intimately, emotionally, and sexually.

And I wanted to see if anyone else is in the relationship I've been thinking of (or if there's a name for it):

I am looking for a female best friend to live with, platonically (she can be straight or gay), and start a family with (whether natural or AI). I'm hoping it's someone who can be a life partner.

At the same time, we would both continue to date and/or be in relationships (though parenting and mutual respect would always come first).

What I've been thinking is this is a way to separate sexual possession from the emotional connection of a family. One can love the mother of their children like one loves one's own children or parents, yet is still free to get sexual needs met however one wants--and to allow those needs to change over time without it affecting the partner.

Is there a name for this? Is anyone else in this type of relationship? And can anyone recommend how to start searching for it?

CielDuMatin 04-11-2012 07:01 PM

"I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him."

I love that cartoon!

In all seriousness, is there a reason you need a name for it? It is what it is.

Authentic 04-11-2012 07:12 PM

Ah, Bugs Bunny. And a genius Of Mice and Men reference too.

And the reason I am looking for a name and other experiences is not to classify it, but to look into it, to find out how to make it happen if it still seems right, and to learn from the successes and failures of others. Better to walk into the dark with a flashlight.

AnnabelMore 04-11-2012 07:26 PM

Companionate love?

Authentic 04-12-2012 12:51 AM

That's great, Annabel. Think companionate love is exactly what it is, though not sure if there's another name for the arrangement itself.

And wondering if anyone knows any families or people or is personally in this sort of arrangement: living platonically with a life partner and mother of one's child, while having a separate dating/sexual/romantic life (as distinct from the open relationship models that imply one also has a sexual/romantic relationship with one's primary).

lovefromgirl 04-12-2012 01:24 AM

Between women, that used to be called a Boston marriage, but this was in the days when unmarried women weren't expected to have sex lives outside of, well, marriage.

wildflowers 04-12-2012 02:50 AM

Just curious, why do you want to rule out the possibility of romantic love with a life partner, and limit it to people outside of that relationship?

Authentic 04-12-2012 08:51 PM

That's a great question, Wildflowers. And it's why I'm here.

For me personally, the goal is to be in any honest, loving, caring relationship that allows both partners total freedom to get their needs met in any healthy way by any appropriate person (whether sexual, emotional, intellectual, and so on). And that ALSO leads to parenthood and family.

It could be ANY type of relationship, yet so far both my mono and poly experiences I've had (and most of the ones I've seen) have not truly had this, because of either some shade of sexual/romantic possession rearing its head or an imbalance that develops over time. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this correctly, so happy to elaborate or try to clarify.

And I'm open to alternative suggestions.

redpepper 04-12-2012 09:29 PM

My husband and I have always been nono-monogamous. We have a child, and a family life, but never took ownership over each other. You've come to the right place here. Most of what you are seeking is what others are working on here.

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