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-   -   Many questions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22983)

Amyh 04-10-2012 02:45 PM

Many questions
 
Hi, I am new to the site as well as this lifestyle. My question, concerns are: how do I make sure my husband knows he is absolutely #1 in my life no matter what? I love him now more than ever, and I feel like my life is so much more complete with the addition of my 'friend'. It upsets me that they don't know each other, I feel like our life would be so much more enriched to be able to spend time with both of them together (not in a sexual way, I could never be with both of them at the same time). They are both so different, and that's what I need to balance my life. I'm sorry this is all over the place, but I have so many things to say and am looking for how everyone else handles this, if theyve had the same situation.
We are friends with an amazing group of people who are swingers and have open marriages, but I'm just looking for an out side opinion and an outsider to talk to....
Hope this makes sense :)

dingedheart 04-10-2012 04:19 PM

Sometimes there is a disconnect between actions and words....that you husband may question or get confused over. But the truth is he is now one of two. And hierarchies (which many here don't ascribe to) are hard to define in terms of love.


Are you thinking "your" life would be enriched or easier more comfortable....or "our" life. What do you think hub's will get out of this...new friend? or something else.

Amyh 04-10-2012 04:25 PM

I think he could have a new friend in this, they already have one thing in common, their love for me. I know that when husb finds someone she will be integrated in our life together. I guess I want my husb to see what I see in my bf, so he knows how complete I am

dingedheart 04-10-2012 04:42 PM

Is this something that he is resistant to and wants no part of. The meeting of the bF.

Amyh 04-10-2012 04:50 PM

Meeting my bf or being poly amorous himself? He said he would meet the bf and thank him for making me happier than I have been in years. It's the bf who said he doesn't think his heart could take being in the same room with the husb and look at me the same way he always does, with love in his eyes and longing in his heart.

dingedheart 04-10-2012 05:18 PM

How long have you been see your bf?

Amyh 04-10-2012 05:32 PM

Almost 2 months so it is new for all of us

dingedheart 04-10-2012 05:39 PM

Has there been any communication between them? Maybe during a pick up or drop off a quick hello could break the ice.

Amyh 04-10-2012 05:45 PM

I always drive to bfs house, he has met another of my poly friends and her bf, and he was very much at ease with them.

constlady 04-11-2012 11:53 PM

Why does your husband have to be "#1" in your life?
Is that really fair to your bf?

Rather than saying he will be first in your world, how about saying he will always be in your world, that your love for him is different than your love for anyone else and that he is special and sacred to you.

Then tell your boyfriend the same thing.

As long as you mean it, of course.


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