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-   -   Coming out Questions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22971)

crakerjk 04-10-2012 01:33 AM

Coming out Questions
My wife and I have recently started a poly relationship with a wonderful woman. All of us have very good independent relationships with each other as well as a strong group relationship. The problem we how do we fit our relationship into our otherwise vanilla lives?

My circle of friends is completely accepting and has taken a "If you are happy, we are happy" attitude. The problem we are facing is how to not lie to the her parents. She has a very close relationship with her parents but they are not the type to support something like this. All of her other friends have met her parents, go to family functions etc..

How do you explain to your parents (who want to set you up with your prince charming) that you are already involved with a couple?

None of us started out with Poly in mind so it has never been thought through.

NovemberRain 04-10-2012 03:49 AM

Well, I hope that her parents already think you're prince charming, since you're married to her.

Is it lying to introduce her as you would any other friend of wife's? She is your friend, right? And then hold off on PDAs in the company of parents?

I think there is a tag in the tag search for 'coming out', that might reveal a bunch of threads with useful info.

crakerjk 04-10-2012 04:14 AM

Fitting in
Thank you for the reply. Most of the threads I was able to find deal with the issues of the married couple explaining the 'friend' or coming out that way to their friends.

In our situation the challenge is: how do we fit into her vanilla life? We all spend a lot of time with each other. The wife and her are great friends, her and I go out and do a lot of things together, and we also tend to have a lot of 'family time' with the three of us. When she visits her parents, which is often, she has been constantly having to filter what she tells them.

Has anyone been through telling their very conservative parents that they are involved with a couple? Any advice?

nycindie 04-10-2012 05:11 AM

Why the hell do they need to know? She's a friend, isn't she? No one's business what you do behind closed doors.

PiperDown 04-10-2012 01:16 PM

This isn't coming from experience, but I would think that if she said that you two are her best friends, then she'd be able to talk about all the things you do together. The longer this goes on, and the more her parents hear all the things between the lines, maybe they can come to their own conclusions. Just like when homosexual people keep talking about, and bringing around their "friend", and then the family just knows without anyone ever having to say it. If they figure it out on their own they might be more able to accept it.

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