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-   -   Quad relationship (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2285)

Marco 03-06-2010 06:08 PM

Quad relationship
Hello all,

I am currently involved in a quad relationship which includes my wife and another married couple. We've been at it for a year and up until recently, everything has been pretty good I must admit. So in the meantime I've been researching as much as possible.....browsing forums for insight, hopefully good advice and what not. I've been coming across some pretty interesting stories and so far it seems like quad situations are the least attempted/hardest to maintain. And even though things are not looking so good for the home team, we've been resilient enough to keep it alive somehow (barely). Anyhow, thank you for taking the time to read this. I'll be here, reading the postings. I just wanted to make sure I introduce myself.


By the way...for anyone interested about the details of my situation. Please feel free to read the rest by clicking below....

CielDuMatin 03-06-2010 06:21 PM


Welcome to the forum. I would agree with you that I don't see many quads around, but I wonder if that's more because it's just uncommon rather than because it is more difficult to do.

I have a friend who is in a quad, but that's not two couples, more one couple, each of which has an OSO.

wstrnfu 03-28-2010 12:52 AM

we are currently in a quad...have been for 2 years. Damn its hard. I love them so, I love my husband so...but I'm not sure how much longer we can do it, but when we call it off, my heart is broken..........

venusaquarius 04-02-2010 09:19 PM

The evolution of our quad
I've been in a quad going on 5 years now; however, it has changed over time. My partner and I (18 years) formed a quad with another couple (11 years); after about two years they broke up but stayed friends, continued to share finances, and they stayed (individually) lovers with us. So it became more like an N, or 2 Vs connected. We are now undergoing further changes and you can read about this (and other musings) on my blog at www.venusaquarius.com. I think it is a huge challenge to find partners who all share a willingness and interest in being poly at a sustainable level. However, I know it can be good, it can be challenging and it can work. Good luck!

Marco 04-08-2010 08:02 PM


Wow, definitely sounds like you're in a unique situation. That's for sure.

venusaquarius 04-08-2010 09:13 PM

maybe not so unique afterall?
Read your blog and I loved it! We were once like your quad in many ways. I won't say our quad failed, I just think the difficulties were too much for some. I bet a lot of people are situationally poly - they fall in love with someone already partnered, and become part of a group. If one is situationally poly, as opposed to 'politcally poly', say, it will be hard to transition. When things get rough, the taboo against poly and the huge bias towards mono, combined with the really hard work it takes to sustain poly, likely will result in a retreat toward comfortable, acceptable mono- land. Some people are likewise situationally gay or bi - it happens once and is fun, but it may be hard to sustain amidst the societal backlash. But back to your blog - it is very fun to read, has lovely pictures, and your experiences are likely to resonate with many.

Marco 04-12-2010 12:36 PM


I bet a lot of people are situationally poly - they fall in love with someone already partnered, and become part of a group.
I never thought of it before but I'd agree. It would seem more likely that's how most Poly relationships begin...as actively pursuing one would probably difficult. Imagine the conversations with new acquaintances or long-time friends, "So....have you ever heard of Polyamory?" I'm sure that wouldn't work out in too many cases. Lol.

Oh, and thank you. It's still a work in progress.

katydid 04-19-2010 06:47 PM

Hi. We have been in a quad relationship for about a year now. It has grown stronger over time and I feel some of the bonds getting stronger than others. Specifically I feel stronger feelings for the other man than my girlfriend feels for my husband. We have set a rule that we can not "swap" original partners (me with her husband and vice versa) without a third present. Think that may prevent some jealousy issues. So I have been with her alone, my husband alone, but only her husband when she or both others are present. This is frustrating for me at times, but I think it is a good rule. So far so good, but it is scary for me. My feelings are very strong and I am scared someone will be hurt in the end.

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