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earthmother 04-03-2012 10:52 AM

Writer, madonna and more...
My name is Tara. I am a 46 yo single (separated from 2nd husband) woman living with my six yo disabled daughter in London. I am an American that feels exiled to the UK (came here because my ex was British), but cannot return home right now because my daughter needs the National Health Service (NHS). But I am sooooooooooooooooo homesick for the USA, especially country life like I had when I lived with my first husband in Texas. I am hoping that if my writing takes off I will be able to move back to somewhere within an hour or so of Houston in 2013.

So why would I come here? After two failed marriages and another long term relationship, I have come to believe that polyamory makes more sense. I feel that no one human being can meet the complex intellectual, emotional and physical need of another person. My ideal (if I had my life to live over again) is more like the 1960s commune with everyone sharing lives and loves. In fact, I keep advocating that life option to two of my adult children (the other two are clearly meant for mono lifestyles). I fear that for me…the time had passed. My daughter’s medical, behavioral and educational needs are so all consuming that I do not have anything left to give anyone else.

But as we anticipate a move back to an area that is clearly very conservative I hope to form friendships with others who are like minded. The worst thing would be isolation and for my daughter to grow up without being exposed to different ideas of how she may choose to lead her life. I suppose that is one thing that is good about London…the diversity. I was very excited as I read some of the posts here to realize that there is an active poly community in and around the area we hope to live so that was nice to see. I hope to begin making friendships back home and perhaps even meet some people here in the UK while I am stuck here.

Do would though love to hear move about how this lifestyle translate into family…outside of religion? If it were not for the oppressive nature of those types of sister wives things (and the fact that I would want more than one guy involved in the whole thing), I feel that I would enjoy sharing my experience or even the responsibilities with another younger woman would be awesome for us both…and the kids too.

I look forward to learning more about this lifestyle and making friends all over the world.

Moonglow 04-04-2012 12:23 AM

Welcome. I hope you can get back to the USA. I love both places though I have not lived in the UK my husband is from London and wanted to live in "paradise" as he calls Florida. I can't tell you specifically how my life worked in polyamorous terms because I am not sure right now if my polyamorous relationship is working. :) It used to be local but is now long distance and I am not adapting so well.

Phy 04-04-2012 04:07 AM


If you are looking for stories and everyday life stuff, the life stories and blogs section should do. There are some relationships that I would classify as 'working' right now. Just look around, there is much to discover in all those threads being around the forum :)

earthmother 04-04-2012 08:09 AM

Thanks for the welcome, folks. Stories just come to me, but before I might want to send things by some of you for accuracy before I publish for certain.

What I want most is friendship with open-minded people. Because of the demands of caring for my daughter, I have limited time to make face-to-face friends (and have difficulty with British culture anyway...six years and I have not adjusted). But I am the type that can bond with people online as easily.

In terms of my experience wiht poly, I have tried the swinging thing a few times. But it never felt 'right.' I always felt that one person tended to pressure the other or one partner got more out of it than the other. At the same time, I found myself fantasizing about other people even when I was in a relationship, so monogamy never felt right either.

Before I married my 2nd hubby and moved to the UK, I was quite free and comfortable with my sexuality. I had a group of friends that I would regularly 'party with' = gang bang. But it was so much more than that. These were guys that I was also friends with. A couple I would meet on the side one-on-one, f-buddies sort of thing.

I was 39 at the time with four teenage children and I was staring at a soon to be empty nest (not that it ever really is I have discovered...my adult kids still come around and need mommy too). I decided that I wanted to have another baby. I meet my hubby now online...and we planned to do just that...have a child together.

One of my best f-buddy/friends begged me to reconsider. He told me...don't do this, one man will never be enough for a woman like you. I actually got quite hurt by his words. Felt like he was saying I could not be faithful to one guy.

This friend proposed an alternative...we always practiced safe sex as a group even though we had to provide recent (3 months) test results to show we were clean. He wanted a group of us...me and my four favorites to have the baby together. He said that we were close that he knew for a fact that the guys would even like to be 'uncles' without every actually knowing who the real father was.

Needless to say...I chose the more conventional path. I am not the type of person who spends alot of time thinking about regrets. But in the bright morning sunlight like it is right now, I have to be honest...I chose wrong. The 'safety' of marriage that my husband offered was an illusion. I am left alone to handle my daughter's needs while he has the best of both worlds...single 90% of the time and a ready made family when he feels like stopping by to play daddy.

How much different things would have been if I had truly been free enough of societal constrictions to accept my friends offer...and my self? Four best friends to share the burdens of life. Four wonderful men all taking turns sharing the role of daddy...my daughter would have been horribly spoiled. Four lovers...instead of none.

OK...off to writing now. Can't change the past, but there is one theory that says for every major decision in life there is an alternate universe created. I hope somewhere out there that 'other me' realizes who damned lucky she was.

troubled 04-04-2012 05:03 PM

It can be argued that relationships of two do tend to be much more stable than relationships of three or more. On the other hand.. control over the stability of the relationship is rarely enough. Seems to me that control is just an illusion.. and the more you try to hold on to that illusion, the more hurt is being generated constantly.

earthmother 04-04-2012 05:22 PM

I agree that control is an illusion...in life period let alone relationships.

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