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-   -   Different blowjobs for him and for me (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22823)

Windstar 04-02-2012 06:30 PM

Different blowjobs for him and for me
 
I'll just get right straight to it. Last night my wife gave our boyfriend his first oral orgasm. Man she went down on him so hard and so powerfully for so long, I thought she would have passed out from lack of oxygen and exhaustion!

She went down on me like that when we were first together six/seven years ago, but hasn't done anything like that for me in years.

Man was it weird to be on the sidelines watching her powersuck the soul out of him and realizing that *I* want that and she never does that to me! Man I got jealous!

Now, that said, I am completely happy that she did that to and for and with him. She did make him orgasm, and he has been unable to really do that with us. So he shed some protective layers last night when she made him come.

i'm just being jealous that I don't get touched like that ever. Sure, NRE & all...just feeling the jealousy. I also understand that it was just plain hard to make him come, so she HAD to go hard and long like that to get him there. I dont take that long or that much work. Still. Waaaaaa!

dingedheart 04-02-2012 07:01 PM

just think... in 6-7 years he'll be saying the same thing. :)

drtalon 04-02-2012 08:17 PM

Do you go down on her as enthusiastically and for as long as you used to?

Do you have an orgasm when she gives you a BJ? It's one thing if you just want something different, and another if you feel she's just not interested enough.

Have you tried *sincerely* complimenting the oral sex she performed on him? Words like, "That blow job you gave him the other night was amazing," are better than, "Why don't you blow me like that anymore?"

Windstar 04-02-2012 09:16 PM

Thanks for making me laugh :) That was great. I loved the comment about him in 6-7 years.

Dr.Talon, in general no I don't go down her as enthusiastically as I used to. We used to stay up until the sunrise every morning! I do take my sweet time and give her multiple O's quite often. I really enjoy it. I also enjoy playing with doing things differently, like just trying one type of stimulation until I can make her come that way, and then try just another way until she comes that way, etc. So there is a bit of an oral sex imbalance in our relationship. I usually just get a little "bj" as a wettening warm up for intercourse.

And yes, I did actually pay her a wonderful complement about the "job" that she did on our boyfriend. i told her how how it was and wow! how beautiful it was to see her in total control and in her power! Wow!

AnnabelMore 04-03-2012 02:52 AM

If you want it, have you asked for it?

LotusesandRoses 04-03-2012 03:01 AM

You refer to him as "our" boyfriend; if she won't do it for you, would he entertain doing it for you and showing her how it's done?

CielDuMatin 04-03-2012 01:46 PM

I firmly believe that great sex involves lots of communication - both verbal and non-verbal.

If there are activities that you want to do with your partner, the best place to express that is to her!

MindfulAgony 04-03-2012 04:03 PM

Agreed. Communicate. Ask for it. Give it a name.

Then, give in kind. Ensure your passion, engagement and understanding of her desires/needs matches that which you seek.

On the other hand, I'd probably be as jealous watching it. Probably why I don't/won't watch a partner with someone else. Holds no erotic value for me.

KyleKat 04-03-2012 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Windstar (Post 131196)
I'll just get right straight to it. Last night my wife gave our boyfriend his first oral orgasm. Man she went down on him so hard and so powerfully for so long, I thought she would have passed out from lack of oxygen and exhaustion!

She went down on me like that when we were first together six/seven years ago, but hasn't done anything like that for me in years.

Man was it weird to be on the sidelines watching her powersuck the soul out of him and realizing that *I* want that and she never does that to me! Man I got jealous!

Now, that said, I am completely happy that she did that to and for and with him. She did make him orgasm, and he has been unable to really do that with us. So he shed some protective layers last night when she made him come.

i'm just being jealous that I don't get touched like that ever. Sure, NRE & all...just feeling the jealousy. I also understand that it was just plain hard to make him come, so she HAD to go hard and long like that to get him there. I dont take that long or that much work. Still. Waaaaaa!

I hear you, and exactly where you're coming from. I've read all the replies so far and I feel like we are in the same boat. I am enthusiastic about giving still but she rarely returns the favor. There have been a few occasions but generally its one-sided. So when she gave her boyfriend one I was a little irritated because I usually don't even get the "wetting".

If you're otherwise happy with your sexual relationship, don't let this bother you. If your wife is open to your requests, ask her for it like the others have said. However, I'm guessing your wife is like mine and asking will do nothing more than irritate her.

Although, I did have one of our best friends through her a surprise sex toy party and she bought some stuff that she says she's going to use to make oral more enjoyable for her. So with that in mind here's hoping that I get a little more fun! Yay! Maybe you could try that out. haha.

MindfulAgony 04-04-2012 02:14 AM

This is where you get into the territory of is she doing it because she enjoys it or because it's something she feels she "should" do in new relationships. We often do this. Do all sorts of things we don't or only marginally enjoy because we so very want to please our new partner. Once the relationship has ripened, then we feel confident or "cool" enough to not do those things anymore.

My view on this is very simple. If you don't really enjoy something, let's not do it. The last thing I want is someone giving me a blow job not enjoying it. Not even if it's done enthusiastically.

One of my partners asked that we try something she knows I enjoy by she doesn't like. I wouldn't do it unless we can find a way for her to enjoy it - not tolerate because she loves me.

There are situations where someone likes something with someone else but not with you. I chalk those situations up to the complexity of compatibility. Maybe my anatomy isn't well suited for that particular thing or perhaps I'm uncomfortable and it shows. With good communication, you can often determine what's the deal. And, today, I can let those things go.

There was a time when I felt slighted if a partner didn't give me their everything, whatever I liked. That's terribly coercive, even if subtly. It is one sided. It is also naive to think that our likes will perfectly overlap or that her experience will be the same (or better) with me than other partners.

So, instead, I find it much more productive to explore our sweet spot and allow that to blossom and morph as it does. Lots of day to day stuff can kill passion in a relationship. I try really hard to not let my envy get in the way of the passion that we share.


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