Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Hello everyone! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22800)

Saide 04-02-2012 03:28 AM

Hello everyone!
Hi -

I am a single straight 50 year old woman living in Canada who has always been a sexual explorer. All through my life, I have sought out different communities to learn from them and learn about myself. Been involved in the BDSM community as both a participant and workshop presenter. One of the things I loved about my BDSM experience was the honesty, clear communication, intelligence and self knowledge required for profound scene experiences.

Having several monogamous relationships I realize that my needs are not met by one partner. This is why I have joined this forum and some meetup communities. My introduction to polyamory was not a pleasant one. My husband at the time announced that he was going to become part of a poly relationship with a woman he had met online. He announced I was welcome to become a secondary so that I could continue to look after his children from a previous marriage. I realized then and now that his definition of polyamory was not that based on the discussion threads on this forum.

I have spent the last few years getting to know myself on a deeper level. Thoughtful, pensive and intuitive, I like to listen and be heard. I have a wild sense of humour, love to laugh and am not afraid to be intimate with someone who shares values like trust and respect. After this time of self discovery I am ready to look out in the world again.

I love the company of men. I look forward to becoming more knowledgeable and hopefully becoming a part of the polamory community. I would love to partner with two or more men if the chemistry, affection and emotional maturity is right.

Professionally, have been a sex educator for 15 years and am a Kundalini yoga teacher. Looking forward to communicating with some of you.

dingedheart 04-02-2012 02:19 PM

Hi and welcome.

How long did you stay in that new poly dynamic?

How long have you been single now?

Your arrival couldn't be more perfect because there is a Bdsm " emergency" in the poly relationship section and your prospective could help. The thread is by outsiderlookingin....

Saide 04-02-2012 03:56 PM

Thanks for welcoming me
Hi and thank you for your welcome.

I have remained single and unattached for 8 years now. Had a few sexual encounters but nothing that captured me interest or passion for that matter.

I did not remain in the new poly dynamic simply because it was announced to me fait accompli - no discussion, just an statement that this was how it was going to be and if I did not agree I would have to leave. I felt blindsided and my trust had been broken so I left. Parting with the step sons I had helped to raise for so many years was devastating.

I will search the thread you mentioned and if I have anything salient to add, would be happy to do so.

Thanks again for the welcome.

dingedheart 04-02-2012 07:22 PM

Wow your story sounds very sad and similar to some shared here...none of which had happy ending either.

How did you end up with the step sons? That too sounds incredible, generous and amazing on your part. How did they handle it ...are they Ok now?

Saide 04-02-2012 07:45 PM

Yes, like some of the threads on the forum, I was blind sided and felt utterly betrayed. It hurt for some time but not as much as losing the family I wanted.

I did not get custody of the boys. He and his ex-wife were constantly using the children as pawns in their on-going custody battles and when he met this other woman and I got the ultimatum, I offered to take custody of both boys provided both parents would provide child support. I had always wanted a family and these two boys were wonderful. In the end he and his ex-wife would not sign over custody. His new girlfriend sent him a ticket to fly to her - he gave up custody to the ex-wife who I believe gave them up to children's aid. (She had threatended to do so for a long time) I am not certain of the outcome as I was not allowed any communication with the boys once I moved out. Very sad.

It has been a long and careful walk back to the topic of polyamory, my own readings, joining some meetups and forums like this have been helpful and supportive.

LotusesandRoses 04-03-2012 02:44 AM

You sound like a lovely woman. Welcome.

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