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-   -   It shines, it sparkles (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22768)

sparkle 04-01-2012 03:16 AM

It shines, it sparkles

Firstly I want to say thank you for all the lovely open and honest post I have found here so far. I love the way this forum has been put together and felt genuine comfort at the fact that my introduction is to be honoured as such. I'm not interested in actively meeting anyone. I feel drawn to express love and to hear others opinions and help in any way I can with my own thoughts on different subjects.

I'm a 30 year old woman who is married now for 3 years. We are happy for the most part and great friends. I have always felt that my relationship/s would not be conventional and I know that my husband has wanted to explore other ways of loving and experiencing love in this world.

Recently I have developed feelings for a woman who is in my life. She is single and open to relationships with other women. She doesn't know about my feelings and neither does my husband. I have a deep meditation practice and have been exploring these feelings inside myself for some time. I don't feel the need to tell either one about this and somehow sitting with these feelings is very satisfying. Just allowing them to be felt has been enough so far. But there is also the little voice inside my mind who would like me to do something, I sit with her too ;)

That is part of my story so far. I look forward to sharing and hearing more with you all.

troubled 04-01-2012 06:04 PM

I wish you all the luck.. and love.

People tend to hold strongly to their beliefs in general.. but impossibly so in the "love" department.
I'm still green.. but right now, I can't see how closing my heart can be a god thing. I've recently started meditating.. mostly to find a way to let go of these emotions.. of the "irrational need" of having my heart open..
Where is the peace in "more is better".. was the phrase i contemplated many times..
Well.. i got a lot calmer.. and think meditation is truly unique and something everyone could benefit from.. But it didn't help me let go of the need of having an open heart. Instead, It assured me to have it open anyway, and let go of the fear.

Even though... my experience doesn't fit into a happy ending category...

sparkle 04-03-2012 07:48 AM

Hi Troubled,

Its amazing how you've spoken of a heart opening. I've been going through what feels like a really physical and spiritual opening of my heart. It feels like there is a giant beam of light extending from my chest and its so good and feels so right. I love just sitting with the feeling there and watching how it affects my body and my perception of the world. Sometimes I feel like all the atoms in my body are going to explode into bliss! Sounds like your on a beautiful path. I'd love to hear more as it expands.

My story has evolved in the last few days. I spent the night with this beautiful woman. We drank wine and talked until the morning. I'm so afraid to express all of this. I'm shaking from the truth of it. Still I didn't tell her how I feel but this morning I spoke to my husband about seeing other people and he told me he feels the same!

Its scary and exciting, and if you or anyone has any advice on how to proceed from the heart I would love to hear!

troubled 04-04-2012 04:39 PM

I totally understand what you mean when you say "its so good and feels so right" :)
I wish you all the best.

So far, i think i learned these things:
- if any interested party actually shows to be not interested, and to the point that he/she has to be lied to - all participants need to be prepared for things to take a bad turn somewhere along the line... Now.. I'm not saying thing's should automatically stop there every time.. but, preparation for a sudden bad turn cannot be considered over-cautious :)
- reactions people have are truly unpredictable. Situation that seems heavenly can turn to hell in moments, and in return, the biggest problems in the universe can suddenly not even matter...
- love is truly remarkable and worth every effort

So, I'm currently supporting the idea proposed by Bill Hicks a long time ago:
don't be afraid.. ever.. because it's just a ride.. and you can change it any time you want :)

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