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-   -   Help or tips to confess our feelings to the girls we like... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22719)

ART 03-30-2012 01:09 AM

Help or tips to confess our feelings to the girls we like...
We are a stable couple (10 happy years living together) we have found some girls we like but we have fear to tell them our feeling .. any tips

Thank you:)

Derbylicious 03-30-2012 03:42 AM

A little more background would be useful. How do you know these women? Where are you meeting them? Are these feeling coming out of friendships that you've already formed or are they random encounter?

ART 03-31-2012 04:32 AM

The beuaty foreigner
Me and my wife have been thinking about other magic woman to join our lifes for a long time, at last we met her, she s great, but we haven t tell her that we have a crush on her!!, but we had tell her how important she is for us and she said that she feels the same... we are affraid to tell her, any advices comments tips will be welcomed.

Well we knew her a couple of years ago she was the girlfriend of a friend... they finished a year ago and we keep contact with her by mail, (she lives in other country) she came to our country to travel and we spend 20 great - magic days traveling, one night at the beach we drank a little more, and the three of us made little confessions about how much we care and how we feel... but the next day was a little awkward, but the day goes on and everything was again ok.... and after that, all went perfect... and then she have to get back to her country .... we gave her a book, and tell her that she could come to our lifes anytime... she write back that she wants to make another road trip with us... but we want to be more than just good friends..

Well this is it...

My wife and I, have a strong and completely sincere relation for the last ten years.

We thought that we were the only couple in the world with this kind of thinking untill we find this forum.
thx for your help.

Derbylicious 03-31-2012 02:58 PM

If you already know each other well and you're friends just tell her how you feel (without being drunk). The worst thing she can say is that she isn't interested in you in that way. Things might be awkward again for a while but since you've been through it once and maintained the friendship there's a good chance that the friendship would survive again.

Have you given any thought as to what will happen if you do embark on a relationship with her and she develops feelings more strongly for one of you than the other? Although triads do form and are successful more often than not feelings don't develop equally among all partners. Be honest with yourselves and with her about what that will mean for you down the line once you've gotten the immediate conversation about your feelings out of the way.

AnnabelMore 03-31-2012 03:31 PM

I agree completely with everything Derby said. Be honest and straightforward, and don't go in with any preconceptions of what shape any new relationship or relationships has to take. Don't expect this woman to complete your lives or move in with you any time soon or love and desire you both equally... just tell her you're interested in being more than friends and give her a chance to tell you what she thinks and feels, then stay flexible from there and go slow.

ART 04-01-2012 07:51 PM

Thank you!
Well I thought that it would be better to write her a letter, explaining our situation, and our feelings, and tell her that we are not asking to move immediately with us, just that... it s a new situation for all of us and that would be nice to give it a try... but without rush, its something new we all have to think about, and if we make the other trip maybe we can approach a little to how it would be.
I think writing is better because you can explain ALL than speaking or Skyping, some times the questions or the comments changes the point of what you was trying to explain.
How was the theme exposed to you?? did you know what you wanted? how have you been in this poly relations? my wife and I, we are deeply in love, we spend most of our days together, we work together!, and we realized that a 3rd person in our lives will add interesting things to our relationship and our lives, and hope we can bring the same for her; for example now, we are feeling that fear of the first time when you know some one you like, feel those butterflies in the stomach when we think about her.. you know..., and when it comes to share home and all of that what we find is that it can be great for all of us... how it has been for you?

Thank you again for your posts!

LotusesandRoses 04-01-2012 09:29 PM

Don't be plastered. There's nothing worse than a drunken confession of feelings, except when it's meant to wrangle a threesome. That's my $0.02.

nycindie 04-01-2012 09:34 PM


Originally Posted by ART (Post 131100)
...we realized that a 3rd person in our lives will add interesting things to our relationship and our lives, and hope we can bring the same for her... and when it comes to share home and all of that what we find is that it can be great for all of us...

Living together is not necessary to be poly. That is something that I believe should only be considered and entered into slowly after a strong relationship among all three of you has been established, over time.

ART 04-02-2012 07:09 PM

Thank you all!
For your posts, that give us other perspective about our situation... as you can see all this is new for us.

CielDuMatin 04-03-2012 01:54 PM

I would definitely not recommend doing this in a letter or even on Skype.

Something this personal should be done face-to-face, so that you can gauge reactions, and maybe stop early if you realise that things aren't going well - cut your losses, as it were.

Also, don't make it one-sided. Ask her how she feels about the two of you, and what she could imagine happening.

And yes, do it sober, in a safe, neutral space for you all.

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