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-   -   Some Things Some People Need To Hear (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2262)

Joreth 03-04-2010 07:38 AM

Some Things Some People Need To Hear
 
It was suggested that I link to my reason for leaving this forum, to my post that got blocked because some feel it needs to be heard, and that I make this post here because personal blogs are less likely to get moderated and blocked, since it's a personal blog.

You can read it at my LJ at http://joreth.livejournal.com/213986.html.

I will be moderating comments because it's my journal, not an open forum, and the post is a rant, not a discussion.

disarmedheart 03-04-2010 07:49 AM

:(

MonoVCPHG 03-04-2010 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joreth (Post 23429)

I will be moderating comments because it's my journal, not an open forum, and the post is a rant, not a discussion.

Thank you for taking that elsewhere. Take care

NeonKaos 03-04-2010 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 23439)
Thank you for taking that elsewhere. Take care

This. ^

Ravenesque 03-04-2010 03:00 PM

Thank you for posting this Joreth. It is definitely something that needs to be heard. I appreciate and am grateful for you expressing opinions shared by others which would otherwise be squelched.

~Raven~

Fidelia 03-04-2010 03:28 PM

Joreth: Live and be well. Go in peace, and farewell.

ImaginaryIllusion: I'm glad Joreth posted the infraction message you sent her. Thanks for handling the situation with such clarity and directness.

SchrodingersCat 03-04-2010 06:24 PM

The rant is very good at placing the blame on everyone else for issues that you're having in a public forum. Seems odd that the rest of us aren't having these same issues if there are so many of these terrible sorts of people.

Really reminds me of my mother-in-law who was always miserable and always found ways to blame other people for her emotions and her reactions, and never took ownership for how she felt and behaved.

I've always been amused by people who continually manage to find themselves as the only person with any reason or sense, and manage to blame everyone else for whatever goes wrong. If you're noticing a pattern on every forum with the way every person reacts to you.... maybe just maybe... it's not them?

NeonKaos 03-04-2010 07:25 PM

I have said what I needed to say in Joreth's LJ comments section and I guess I made some new enemies today. Yay me.

Now everyone knows my CF-persona name so you's can all search the internetz for all my posts about that.

MonoVCPHG 03-04-2010 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YGirl (Post 23463)
I have said what I needed to say in Joreth's LJ comments section and I guess I made some new enemies today. Yay me.

Now everyone knows my CF-persona name so you's can all search the internetz for all my posts about that.

I haven't even opened up the link so we're good! What's CF stand for?

Ceoli 03-04-2010 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat (Post 23457)
The rant is very good at placing the blame on everyone else for issues that you're having in a public forum. Seems odd that the rest of us aren't having these same issues if there are so many of these terrible sorts of people.

Actually, there are several other people I know of who have left this forum for the very reasons Joreth has stated. I also know several people who are active and long time members and organizers of poly communities take one look at this forum and decide not to bother because of over-protective and defensive flavor of the general posts. And given the very low ratio of active members to actual members, it suggests to me that the "welcoming environment" that is sought is a very selective one indeed since there are a relatively few number of people who choose to stick around. There are MANY people who have left this forum because they have felt this to be a hostile environment. And not because of posts such as Joreth's but because it just doesn't seem to be allowed to offend certain active members of this forum without there being a whole hell of a lot of fallout, even if what is considered "offending" is an actual hard truth being called out.

As Joreth said in her post:

Quote:

People are allowed to be insulting, for as long and as often as they want, as long as it's not overt or uses angry language. People are protected from ever seeing that the people they're insulting are getting angry, because the penalty is for the people who get angry at poor treatment, not the people who are initiating the poor treatment.
I am often disappointed by the culture of this forum, which seems to view disagreements as attacks and seems to hold a high double standard for what is hostile or not. People post things that are ignorant and insulting regularly here, yet more noise and complaints are made about calling out the ignorance and the insults. It seems the only way to "contribute to the community in a positive manner" is to allow the ignorance and assumptions to go unchecked and to allow one's self to be continually insulted without getting angry and addressing it. At least for some members that seems to be the case.

In the moderation letter addressed to Joreth it was said, "As such we'll not abide behavior that creates a hostile atmosphere or makes other members feel unwelcome, belittled or insulted." I might change the phrase "other members" to "certain members", because believe it or not, there have been several people on this forum who have felt belittled and insulted by the dominant culture and have since left (I've often felt insulted and belittled, but I have a high tolerance for hostile environments) because of the environment here that people seem to be working very hard to protect.

If this forum actually had the goal of trying to create a positive friendly community that was inclusive and welcoming, then it would require a lot more self-reflection than it seems people are willing to put in. I would suggest that this is a good opportunity for this forum to actually examine some very real issues here and possibly come out with an even more welcoming inclusive online presence, but honestly I doubt it's something that's going to happen.


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