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-   -   Semantics ...? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22510)

OkNewbs 03-22-2012 01:47 PM

Semantics ...?
 
In other threads I notice a distinction between jealousy and envy. As in "X makes me jealous & Z causes envy in me."

What's the difference? So far in my experience, they are interchangeable...? :confused:

Thanks for the clarification! :D

RfromRMC 03-22-2012 02:05 PM

There is overlap and there is difference. Let's see if I can put it simply....

If you are more monogamous-inclined and not poly, then if you saw your partner talking to, flirting, or pursuing sex with another person then you would obviously get quite jealous.

If you are very poly-inclined non-jealous person, then that would not be an issue. However if you thought your partner was spending more and more time with his/her other partner and neglecting any good quality time with you, then you would understandably feel envious.

That make sense?

OkNewbs 03-22-2012 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RfromRMC (Post 129923)
There is overlap and there is difference. Let's see if I can put it simply....

If you are more monogamous-inclined and not poly, then if you saw your partner talking to, flirting, or pursuing sex with another person then you would obviously get quite jealous.

If you are very poly-inclined non-jealous person, then that would not be an issue. However if you thought your partner was spending more and more time with his/her other partner and neglecting any good quality time with you, then you would understandably feel envious.

That make sense?

So it's a matter of the underlying emotion?

In the mono scenario, the underlying emotion would be anger/insecurity/mistrust. At least IMO.

In the poly, not necessarily any of those emotions, but there would be an imbalance... more "it's not fair."

Am I reading you correctly?

drtalon 03-22-2012 02:24 PM

Jealousy is about something you believe you possess and think you might lose (or don't wish to share).

Envy is about something you believe you don't possess and want it when you think someone else has it.

SourGirl 03-22-2012 02:26 PM

Jealousy example : Feeling the threat and/or fear of having something taken away from you. You feel competition, or see someone as a rival to be overtaken.

Envy example: Wishing you were getting what someone else is getting or has. There can be competition, but it`s design is for a 'equal' playing field. You see something someone else has, and you desire, and want it too.

nycindie 03-22-2012 02:55 PM

There was a thread where we discussed the differences between envy and jealousy here:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=62929

You might find it interesting.

OkNewbs 03-22-2012 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 129931)
There was a thread where we discussed the differences between envy and jealousy here:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=62929

You might find it interesting.

Excellent. Thank you. Cleared right up. :D

RfromRMC 03-22-2012 07:03 PM

Sourgirll and drtalon explained it much better than I did. :o


Quote:

Originally Posted by OkNewbs (Post 129925)
So it's a matter of the underlying emotion?

In the mono scenario, the underlying emotion would be anger/insecurity/mistrust. At least IMO.

In the poly, not necessarily any of those emotions, but there would be an imbalance... more "it's not fair."

Am I reading you correctly?

Yeah, that was the point I was going for. Probably not accurately, though. The "it's not fair" feeling is usually what I would go with for envy for sure....I had that when I was in a triad every now and then. Decent amount of envy here and there for various reasons, but I was never jealous. Which confused some people. :D

There's a fun comic online called "poly in pictures". In one, two people are playing scrabble and one asks "How do you spell Jealousy?" and the other goes "F, E, A, R." ;)

OkNewbs 03-22-2012 07:08 PM

Haha, cute. :)

Thanks for all the responses. I like to make sure I have accurate vocab to properly explain my thoughts. ;)

Emm 03-23-2012 06:06 AM

I came across an example of the difference just the other day. My boyfriend and I (both very new to poly) were discussing our surprise at the lack of jealousy we'd been feeling. He said that the closest he'd come was when he and his wife had been visiting one of her OSOs and he'd been left sitting in the spa while everyone else (his wife, her OSO and the OSO's wife) went off to have a threesome. He was in no way jealous of someone having a threesome with his wife, but he was envious of the fact that he didn't get to have a threesome with anyone.


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