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-   -   May not be in the right subforum, but... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22481)

OkNewbs 03-21-2012 05:03 PM

May not be in the right subforum, but...
Maybe someone here could help me out?

My husband & I are are testing the poly waters. The catch: it's been so long since we've considered dating that we have no idea what to do! :eek:

How do you get yourself out there without the judgment?

Also, I'm bi, but never acted on it. How does one woman invite the attention of other like-minded women?

Any thoughts/tips/advice welcome!

Thanks all. And if I'm posting in the wrong area of the forum, feel free to point me in the right direction. :)

NovemberRain 03-22-2012 06:05 AM

I don't think you can get 'out there' without some judgment. Let it be okay. Whose judgment are you not wanting to have? Random strangers? so what? :D

People you know? I don't think you're soliciting them as companions yes?

Dating doesn't truly change much over the years. In your fifties, you pretty much feel like an awkward teenager all over again. You just know a bit more and maybe are a little calmer, hopefully a little less rash. I regard that as part of the fun.

Be curious. Be fascinated. Want to know people. People respond to that. If you're thinking of the happiness and comfort of someone else, that's less thinking you need to do about yerself(yerselves).

Someone just had a link to a blog that I read and it was a lovely simple instruction for 'how to meet people' (particularly in a bar). Sorry, I can't recall.... but when you're reading her and someone recommends a blog, or has a blog in their sig, go look. If you don't have time to read right then, go back later.

Magazines are endlessly (tree-killing ENDlessly) full of advice on dating. All those things they say aren't different for poly ~ you just have one more required conversation (kinda like in high school, I wasn't 'required' to have the latex conversation, only the pregnancy conversation).

NovemberRain 03-22-2012 06:07 AM

oh, and dating sites. Great practice. OKCupid seems popular round here. eHarmony, while not suitable for poly, has LOTS of articles on how to meet, how to have a first date, stuff like that.

OkNewbs 03-22-2012 11:46 AM


I don't think you can get 'out there' without some judgment. Let it be okay. Whose judgment are you not wanting to have? Random strangers? so what?
While I am very much wired to be a people-pleaser, I have learned that some people won't like me not matter what contortions I attempt to that end. So, oh well. But at the same time, I don't want rumors, etc. We live in the buckle of the bible belt (the common colloquial description), and feel that pursuing the poly life is a very tricky tightrope.

But then again, I tend to over-analyze. ;)

sweetchic1 03-22-2012 06:17 PM

Where are you guys from? I am from the upsate NY area.

OkNewbs 03-22-2012 06:32 PM

Tulsa, Oklahoma area here.

musictheoryjoey 04-03-2012 11:36 PM

My girlfriend and I are in Oklahoma City, as well as being fairly new to all of this. So although i don't have much advice, I know how you feel at least!

Moonglow 04-04-2012 12:36 AM

Check to see if there are any local resources in OK. Also, try just getting out and meeting people. I certainly don't know anything (but wish I DID) about picking up women, seems to be a difficult thing for many traditional singles dating sites. It is ok if you are single and bi or Lesbian but not ok if you are somehow attached otherwise to a male. At least that has been my experience. I wish I could tell you more but be tenacious and patient. Read all you can don't be afraid of rejection, and don't be afraid to be choosey. Good luck!

LookinginOK 05-26-2012 12:14 AM

We are about 45 Min from Tulsa. And do understand living in the buckle of the bible belt. PM me and we can talk.

techdotcom 06-15-2012 06:30 PM

My wife and I are in Tulsa and I just signed up on okcupid a this week, although we have been open for a couple of years, and it looks promising. Its MUCH easier for a woman to find at the very least men comfortable with a casual relationship like a friend with benifits but I really havnt had much luck on my end with that. The exception would be going out with swingers on occasion but I rapidly tire of the sex with no emotional connection. Fun, but it's like eating candy, no real substance.

I'm hoping that at some point to find someone to date but for now I'm comfortable with the occasional having fun with friends, it's just not all I want and need. The big float trip on the 24th the wife and I are going on should be blast and who knows maybe I'll meet some people who are poly but swinger friendly out there. If not, eh it will still be a fun time.

OkCupid profile is polyfromtulsa for anyone who might be curious or interested.

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