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-   -   Jealousy (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22380)

Lotus 03-19-2012 02:34 AM

Jealousy
 
My husband and I have been open for nearly a year and a half. He's had two girlfriends in that time, and both of those relationships basically fell apart because of my jealousy and possessiveness.

I currently have a boyfriend, who is also in a poly marriage, and I have noticed that I am starting to feel those same emotions with him. And I really don't like that.

I don't want to be the reason anyone is unhappy, especially my partners.

My question is this: How does one conquer jealousy? Or, at the very least, how does one get it under control?

NovemberRain 03-19-2012 02:39 AM

You can do a tag search here in these forums, for 'jealousy' and find many threads on it. There's a thread somewhere called 'golden nuggets' full of many wonderful tips.

Have you done any therapy? Could be helpful, especially since it sounds like you're recognizing the common denominator is you.

Lotus 03-19-2012 02:43 AM

Thanks.

I know I need therapy for issues other than the jealousy, and that couples therapy might be helpful as well. I'm just worried that any therapist I/we find will try to tell me/us that we need to close our relationship in order for me to get rid of these issues.

NovemberRain 03-19-2012 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lotus (Post 129315)
Thanks.

I know I need therapy for issues other than the jealousy, and that couples therapy might be helpful as well. I'm just worried that any therapist I/we find will try to tell me/us that we need to close our relationship in order for me to get rid of these issues.

I know someone else can speak to this, but I think on the internet somewhere there's a list of poly-friendly counselors. And you can ask before booking a session.

If you have other issues, working on them might go some ways into relieving the jealousy, too.

redpepper 03-19-2012 01:48 PM

Usually jealousy can be broken apart, as jealousy is comprised of a cluster of different emotions. Jealousy is like an onion, that has different layers that can be looked at. Some people can do that on their own, some need help (therapy sounds like it could be a good idea).

If you are able to find the time to sit and pull apart every piece of this feeling in your brain and look at each bit individually then you might not only figure out why you are jealous, but what to do about it. Sometimes the simple act of pulling it all apart and looking at it relieves the symptoms and makes a person realize that its not all bad and that really they are just needing some support in certain areas.... most of the time its about not feeling loved and needing to get to the bottom of what makes one feel loved, not getting enough time with a person, feeling inadequate in some way etc.

Hope you figure it out :)


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