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-   -   Why do some polys approach monos? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2231)

Ariakas 02-26-2010 08:32 PM

Why do some polys approach monos?
 
I found this on another forum (okc) and was wondering if anyone here had any thoughts or expansions on why? My answer was twofold. (I have expanded my answer a bit since I am more familiar with vbulletin

Quote:

At this point I would say I am guilty of that. Excluding the fact I do live in a small community in Whistler with no real poly presence, I tend to be attracted to mono's.

My answer is simple, and your statement implies my reasoning. I am newish to poly, and trying to "get with" someone experienced has been interesting since I am a newb. I can't tell you how many times I have seen complaints of new poly's in a bad light. Well, how do you get experience? Find someone either new to poly as well or not even involved yet.

Kind of reminds me of complaints of BDSM. How do you get the experience in order to become a popular M/s when the community itself seems to be very cliquish to the experienced.

Almost seems like a catch 22, loosing battle. Obviously this isnt 100% the case, poly meetings, fetish parties etc are ways "in". But those seem to happen infrequently and personally, I am not overly patient, I don't want to be "open" once a month on the 5th while the sun shines in the north...well you get my meaning. I love flirting, touching and being around people. There are a lot more mono's out there than people actively looking at poly. :)
I might also be lucky living where I live, I have yet to have anyone run away when I say our relationship is open.

So curious, does everyone on here ONLY pickup poly's or do you throw your hat in the mono side and why?

Ceoli 02-26-2010 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 23018)
So curious, does everyone on here ONLY pickup poly's or do you throw your hat in the mono side and why?

I would just make one distinction here. Being single does not equal being monogamous. A single person can be poly or mono. The title of the thread is a bit misleading in that sense.

rubyfish 02-26-2010 09:17 PM

When I was looking on okc to meet people to potentially date, I limited myself to people that either listed their relationship status as available or mentioned polyamory in their profile. I don't care whether someone is mono or poly, just so long as they really understand what poly is.

SchrodingersCat 02-26-2010 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubyfish (Post 23027)
When I was looking on okc to meet people to potentially date, I limited myself to people that either listed their relationship status as available or mentioned polyamory in their profile. I don't care whether someone is mono or poly, just so long as they really understand what poly is.

On okc, "available" doesn't mean "single" right? That confused me at first. When I was filling out my profile, they said that if you put yourself as "married or seeing someone" but still had "dating or sex" in your seeking section, it would list you as available.

I had an ad on kijiji and I didn't mention in the ad that I was poly, but I told everyone within the first couple replies that I was married and looking to expand on the love in my life. One person turned and ran, one person was married herself so she was fine with that, and the other person said she was mono but that she wasn't looking for a serious relationship anyway so she didn't think that would be a problem. Oh! And one person was poly!

So to sum up, yes I throw my hat into the mono arena, and mention that I'm not looking for a second life-long partner although if I meet someone and it works out that way, I'm not opposed to it either. (as a side note, I never was looking for a first life-long partner, it just happened that one of the people I was dating turned out to be my soul mate, so that part is nothing new)

Ariakas 02-26-2010 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat (Post 23031)
On okc, "available" doesn't mean "single" right? That confused me at first. When I was filling out my profile, they said that if you put yourself as "married or seeing someone" but still had "dating or sex" in your seeking section, it would list you as available.

Thats correct :)..

DrunkenPorcupine 02-27-2010 01:08 AM

I don't control who I connect with and fall in love with. If they are poly, they're poly. If they're mono, they're mono.

foxflame88 02-27-2010 02:17 AM

How would we know if someone we (we being us poly folk) are interested in is mono or poly before approaching them and getting to know them?

SchrodingersCat 02-27-2010 05:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxflame88 (Post 23036)
How would we know if someone we (we being us poly folk) are interested in is mono or poly before approaching them and getting to know them?

You mean you don't have "polydar" ? :P

SourGirl 03-22-2010 02:55 PM

clear lines
 
There are so many people out there, that do not openly admit to being 'ok' with Poly, it`s rather difficult to know ahead of time, if someone is or isn`t.

On OKC, I have had many contacts who seem to legitamately want to explore the idea. While there are some who don't get it, and really just want a piece of ass, ......I believe not everyone is looking solely, to get laid.

We all got to start somewhere.

Only problem I see, is if someone states that they are definetly monogamous, and not interested in a poly dynamic, yet feel persued anyhow.

....and unfortunately, there are jerks in every crowd.

twig 03-30-2010 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Superjast (Post 24593)
Only problem I see, is if someone states that they are definetly monogamous, and not interested in a poly dynamic, yet feel persued anyhow.

Agreed! I would have considered myself mono until I started dating S. She never made me feel like I was being hunted and that is what made my transition to poly possible.


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