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-   -   What's Wrong with Monogamy, a True Story (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22272)

FrankLee 03-14-2012 10:03 PM

What's Wrong with Monogamy, a True Story
 
I'm Frank.
When I met Ginger, 30 years ago, she was living with Tom.
She lied to Tom that she was going to the beach
With her best friend, Jill.
She went with me, instead.
Ginger and I got married. Tom never forgave me.

Ginger and I became good friends with Helen and Sam.
I used to be Helen's lover before I met Ginger.
The night before Sam came from California to marry Helen,
She asked me to sleep with her for old times sake.
I did. Sam never knew it. Neither did Ginger.

Ginger always thought I was having an affair.
But I wasn't. Then Ginger had the affair.
She lied to me that she was going to the beach with Jill.
But, she went with Marvin.

Now 30 years later, Ginger and Frank, and Helen and Sam
Are all divorced.
And, Ginger and Jill have yet to go to the beach together.

Now Ginger and Helen are best friends.
And, Ginger still doesn't know I slept with Helen
The night before she married Sam.
Neither does Sam, who is still my good friend.
And, Helen and I play Scrabble sometimes,
But we never talk about these things.
And, that's not half the story.

SourGirl 03-14-2012 10:51 PM

Why is it monogamy`s fault, when people are being lying assholes ?

Qarzan 03-14-2012 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SourGirl (Post 128823)
Why is it monogamy`s fault, when people are being lying assholes ?

Good question.

Shannanigan 03-15-2012 12:36 AM

Nothing's wrong with monogamy, if people are doing it right. Just like we can have a "poly-fail", sounds like some people here had a "mono-fail".

adrift 03-15-2012 04:01 AM

Yeah, I don't monogamy at fault here, just dishonnest people. There's no excuse for lying to people because you are afraid of the truth.

nycindie 03-16-2012 03:14 AM

Oooh, tough crowd.


I think this is something of a poetic post. It tells a story of people who fumbled around thirty years ago, not quite knowing how to handle their feelings, keeping secrets, and making mistakes, as we all have from time to time. And now they're looking back, and starting over. Of course, these things that happened are not monogamy's fault, but I think it paints a picture of how relationships were done by many people for a long time. I feel like I've seen this film in the early 70s, perhaps with Alan Alda and Susan Anspach. I could see the beach in my mind, and the furtive secret liaisons - it made me sad to read it. Very evocative.

I didn't think that the point of this post was really to say that monogamy is the culprit here, exactly, even though the title sounds like it is. I think it is about imperfect people trying to fit themselves into the structure and rules of monogamy and being unable to do it. Maybe the title is misleading or inaccurate, maybe a different title would be better, or maybe it's like the question that the players in this play are asking themselves. "What is wrong with monogamy that I can't seem to do it?" because they're avoiding looking at themselves and asking instead, "Why am I being dishonest? Why can't I make monogamy work for me?" That kind of thing.

SourGirl 03-16-2012 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 128946)
Oooh, tough crowd.


I think this is something of a poetic post. It tells a story of people who fumbled around thirty years ago, not quite knowing how to handle their feelings, keeping secrets, and making mistakes, as we all have from time to time. And now they're looking back, and starting over. Of course, these things that happened are not monogamy's fault, but I think it paints a picture of how relationships were done by many people for a long time. I feel like I've seen this film in the early 70s, perhaps with Alan Alda and Susan Anspach. I could see the beach in my mind, and the furtive secret liaisons - it made me sad to read it. Very evocative.

I didn't think that the point of this post was really to say that monogamy is the culprit here, exactly, even though the title sounds like it is. I think it is about imperfect people trying to fit themselves into the structure and rules of monogamy and being unable to do it. Maybe the title is misleading or inaccurate, maybe a different title would be better, or maybe it's like the question that the players in this play are asking themselves. "What is wrong with monogamy that I can't seem to do it?" because they're avoiding looking at themselves and asking instead, "Why am I being dishonest? Why can't I make monogamy work for me?" That kind of thing.

Thanks Capt'n Obvious.

We get the poetic nature.
But like the truth lies in the body of all jokes, so did the truth lie in this post.

nycindie 03-16-2012 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SourGirl (Post 128956)
Thanks Capt'n Obvious.

We get the poetic nature.
But like the truth lies in the body of all jokes, so did the truth lie in this post.

:confused:

I couldn't give a shit whether anyone else here "gets" it the way I do, likes it, hates it, or whatever. I was simply musing and sharing my impressions of it with Frank, which I was going to do earlier this evening but couldn't. No biggie.

FrankLee 03-16-2012 10:34 AM

"Oh Lord, Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood"
 
1 Attachment(s)
Thanks for all your comments, though some, I feel, misinterpreted my intentions, I learn from feedback about human nature, and the foibles of communication. What I thought I was writing as satire, humor, and subtle hints at the intrinsic and mostly unresolved dilemma of monogamy (practiced by imperfect people) came across as a tale of self-serving individuals lying and cheating their way through life.

The desire to be honest is sometimes tempered by context. For instance, one might be hesitant to reveal one's ethnic origins in Nazi Germany. And, there's another version of the story of George Washington cutting down the cherry tree. When asked by his father if he cut down the tree, George replied, "I cannot tell a lie." Then his father said, "Well, son, you'd better learn."

And, who among us have not been trapped by social mores forced upon us to bend the truth when caught in a difficult situation? I was attempting to explain that the institution of marriage as monogamy has confined us in behavior that is against our nature. Look around, and try to count on one hand the number of truly happy monogamous marriages you know of. Having lived and tried to fit into the straight jacket of that mold, I have escaped to the Polyamory forum.

Frank has "flown the Cuckoo's Nest." Ginger, Sam, and Helen are, to some degree still in it." Polyamory presents a different set of rules making honesty a much easier behavior.

lacunacoil 03-16-2012 02:01 PM

it's a pretty powerful little story to me. thanks so much for sharing.


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