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-   -   Screening For Drama Kings/Queens (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2225)

JustAGirl 02-25-2010 02:33 PM

Screening For Drama Kings/Queens
This is a question that applies whether or not a person is Polyamorous or Monoamorous or whatever else configuration there might be:

What's the best techniques you've used to discover whether the person you're beginning to date/take an interest in dating is a Drama King/Queen?

What is your definition of a Drama King/Queen?


Here's my thoughts:

Drama King/Queens are people who like emotional upheaval. They like to feel the ups and downs and the contrasts in between. Not only the joy of feeling better after having felt angry, but also the disappointment in feeling upset after having felt good.

If drama is not present in your relationship, the Drama King/Queen will dredge some up. With relationships with friends, or with you, or with their work environment, or with strangers doing all sorts of things.

In the past, my main mistake with DK/Q's was looking at their behavior in a short-term manner, and finding some way to write it off. They're acting this way because it's stressful at work - I understand, no problem. They're talking this way because their parent is ill - I understand, no problem. But what I didn't see was this behavior they were exhibiting WAS a long term behavior, and when this stressor was removed, another would be found in its place to explain the behavior. And another, and another. And by that time I was already strongly committed to them and it wasn't easy to cut ties and back away anymore.

I'm not sure how to screen.

You see, I'm confused. Are there Drama King/Queens who focus on the fun positive, life-affirming dramas as opposed to the negative, life-draining ones?

Are there even SUCH THINGS as life-affirming dramas? There's got to be... anything that surges emotion can be considered drama, right?

I want to find someone with emotion who isn't flat, but whose sense of drama doesn't bring them into the depths of despair except in the extreme rarest circumstance, and even then, only for a short short period of time.

How do I recognize him ? :) :eek:

WaywardDruid 02-25-2010 05:17 PM

First Clue might be......
First clue to a drama king/queen is a person that runs around all the time screaming "Off With Their Heads".


Just Me,

Fidelia 02-25-2010 07:30 PM

Hi, Justagirl. Welcome to the forum.

Everyone's life is going to have some drama from time to time. It just happens: relationships get rocky, loved ones get sick, someone loses a job, etc. And of course, not all drama is bad, either: falling in love is dramatic, so are babies coming, starting a terrific new job, etc.

Drama Queens/Kings have more than other people because they attract it and promote it in their lives. For whatever reason.

The key to identifying a Drama Queen/King is to look at how s/he is dealing with situations and problems. Is s/he working toward solving the problems, or consistently making them worse? Is s/he dealing with and moving past the negative situations and maximizing the positive ones, or is s/he more likely to be "stirring the stink" to keep things exciting?

GroundedSpirit 02-25-2010 07:42 PM


Originally Posted by JustAGirl (Post 22941)
What is your definition of a Drama King/Queen?

Drama Queen/King = treatable medical condition :)

Quath 02-26-2010 04:21 AM

To me a DQ/DK is someone looks for extra drama or tries to stir stuff up when there is not enough. The ones I have known have liked the extra attention they are getting while dealing with the drama. They have had a whole lifetime of reinforcement to develop this personality trait.

I learned to avoid the DQ/DK by looking for people who can solve problems as they arise. They can "suck it up" when some things go badly (not always, but often enough). I try to look at past relationships and see if extra drama was there.

I understand a reasonable amount of drama. Basically, I look to see if the person seeks to increase it if they have the chance to diminish it.

Ariakas 02-26-2010 05:15 AM

I am very happy, drama people tend to not like me. I am very...stoic...and very difficult to get a rise out of...bonus for me and them I suppose, no screening involved

SchrodingersCat 02-26-2010 05:21 AM

omg my step-daughter is SUCH a drama queen. But she's also 16, so it's "allowed." Her mom is a drama queen too, but she has no such excuse...

One thing I notice about a lot of drama royalty is making everything about them, even when it has nothing at all to do with them, or if they're just a small part of something.

JustAGirl 02-26-2010 08:58 PM

Excellent information! Thank you so much. It's given me some things to think about in my interactions. :) :)

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