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-   -   Getting ready to meet the new girl (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22187)

mixer 03-12-2012 12:51 AM

Getting ready to meet the new girl
Okay, I’ve met her before. She spent a weekend here a couple months ago. But that was before things got significant. And she was a girl that likes to flirt with Lucy. She’s not the only one, so I thought nothing of it at the time. (Well, mostly nothing.)

We’re waiting to discuss the actual terms of engagement in person, but we’ve effectively settled on attempting a triad. Or at least, more than a V and probably(?) without intercourse. So at this point I’ve got this odd blind-date/arranged-marriage type of anticipation going on. They’ve been friends for a while, but the other girl (whom I’ll name Ethel to go with my girl’s alias) lives two hours away.

What’s most surprising to me is that I’m not running around with an endless boner, mounting the neighbors’ patio furniture and what not. I mean, sure, there’s some sexual excitement, and that will probably increase *sharply* as Wednesday night approaches. (She may even get here late enough that she sleeps in the guest bedroom the first night and we have to wait until lunchtime Thursday to have Teh Talk. That would be… maddening.) And then is only here till Friday afternoon.

But so far, it’s mostly a freakish combination of “Will she like me?” and “Like it matters, we’re getting in bed together anyway.” Which is a VERY strange combination of things to experience/think/feel. I’m trying hard not to be a dirty old man about it all, but I gotta tell ya, they’re not making that easy.

Anneintherain 03-12-2012 08:23 AM

Hi :) I'm feeling nosy. Do you really think you're all getting in bed together anyway if she's not interested in you? (aka that you should just roll with the excitement and let it happen) I only ask because if Lucy and Ethel are really into each other, and Ethel has sex with you out of "expectation" that it's supposed to be a hot sexy time, Ethel could go away feeling like it wasn't right for her. Then it's likely L&E would fizzle out if everyone's communication skills aren't functioning at their best.

I see the other post you made about the girl who had more feelings for you than you and Lucy expected and how it blew up. Just thought I'd suggest you are a bit more careful this time through. My experience was that I had a great week with a guy where there was lot of expectations so we did have sex, then the next time we were together I realized I wasn't interested in a relationship and that was an awkward transition. I didn't have a third party who wanted to still date him but I cant imagine that would be a comfortable situation so I do suggest talking about all the possibilities.

mixer 03-12-2012 12:09 PM

These are valid questions to which I have no good answers. Best I can tell you is that we are being very careful, and are putting a huge amount of emotional effort into making sure things work better this time.

Have we been careful enough, and will we all work hard enough to avoid a crash? Ask me next year.

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