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-   -   Managing... or so i thought. Now, i dont know what im doing (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22175)

StumblingAlong 03-10-2012 08:59 PM

post content deleted
 
I removed the post content after re thinking and feeling it best not to discuss it at this time.

nycindie 03-10-2012 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyFiTri (Post 128321)
B wants to take things very slowly, due to our current circumstances and the fact that we are both pretty busy with only a few hours a month we can devote to each other. I'm ok with the pace of things and we talk daily so its no big deal. Our dating is not a serious relationship at this point.

B said that we arent serious right now and if I want to be FWB with W then I can. I know B would feel hurt though if I went there with W. During the course of my conversation with B about W I became mad at his non caring attitude about W and what W wants. I realized I'm really starting to care for B and I want him to care about W and what i do with him. I realized I want B to basically stake his claim and say I'm his.

But why? He's already stated that he wants to go slowly and keep it casual. Why push him into something other than that? He doesn't have much time to exclusively be your bf in a serious relationship, for one thing. Obviously, you're not "ok with the pace of things." But it isn't fair to him to demand that he make more of a commitment to you than he is ready for, and it isn't fair to yourself to hold back from having something potentially great with W out of some unrealistic hopeful fantasy about B.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyFiTri (Post 128321)
Now neither 1 is speaking to me and I'm wondering if I've messed up somewhere. I want B in a serious mono relationship, but W is tempting as a great friend that wouldn't go further even if there are benefits.

See, when we get all needy for more than someone else can give, it feels like pressure and pushes them away. If I were you, I'd just go with the flow. Stop trying to steer things for a while and enjoy the pleasure of these guys' company. Don't be in such a rush for things to happen and turn serious. You're still recovering from a break-up, so just date and take it easy.

Personally, if I were you, I would apologize to B. for pressuring him and ask if he still wants to see you casually. Then let it be casual, let it be what it is, or move on. And then I'd see W as a FWB. You never know what could develop. You might wind up with a wonderful serious relationship coming out of the FWB thing with W. It is possible.


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