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-   -   Not sure how to proceed (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22045)

Lexithegeek 03-06-2012 02:55 AM

Not sure how to proceed
Just like any story starts: There's this girl....

Recently I admitted my feelings for her (shes a good friend). Went great, she likes me too, proved it with a kiss. ^_^. We are both poly, I have a primary and she a triad. The problem is that her triad is closed. I told her I would still be around if things ever change. I care about her happiness foremost.

Which leads me to a delema. From what shes told me about her triad (like I said before, we we've been good friends for a while) it honestly doesnt sound healthy. I won't go into detail because she told me these things in confidence. But she maintains that she is happy in it. I never expressed my concerns to her because of my feelings for her; if I'm attracted to someone I feel it's best to stay nutreal in regards to their romantic relationships to avoid a conflict of intrest (mine aganst the persons wellbeing).

She has also been sending mixed messages. I tried bringing up a conversation about what our boundries should be and she went silent. I know I need to talk to her about these things but im not sure if I should include my concerns with her triad. This girl would make me crazy happy. My partner has commented on how happy I am after spending time with her. And this is where I get concerned about the conflict of intrests I mentioned earlier. Any suggestions?

PS. Sorry about spelling. My phone has no spell check.

Lemondrop 03-06-2012 05:25 AM

I'm confused. Closed is closed. Unless she intends to change something--leave the existing relationship, talk with her partners about opening up--she has told you that she doesn't intend to move forward with a relationship with you. Also, the health of her triad relationship, while it may appear unhealthy to you, is ultimately not under your control. If she chooses to stay in it, you have to control over that.

I don't know. What you're describing sounds like a recipe for a lot of drama.

nycindie 03-06-2012 05:35 AM


Originally Posted by Lexithegeek (Post 127736)
This girl would make me crazy happy.

How do you know that? Don't we always think that of all our crushes?

redpepper 03-06-2012 07:00 AM

If she is willing to discuss opening up her triad then great, but it sounds like so far she isn't. It isn't any of your business to be concerned about her triad I don't think. ESPECIALLY if you are crushing out on her. I would guess that it will be seen as you being a "cowboy" and trying to take her away from the situation.

I think if I were in your situation I would leave it with her that you are interested, listen to her when she talks about her triad and keep my mouth shut and my hands off of her. At least until such time as you are invited to speak of your concerns as it pertains to you and her starting a relationship, not what your judgment is of her triad. This is a recipe for trouble with your possible metamours I think. In my experience, if the metamour relationship is a struggle there is little hope of a solid, healthy relationship. I think its best if you can manage to keep you opinions to yourself.

Lexithegeek 03-06-2012 12:30 PM

I agree with you completl and it was excatly what I needed to hear. Although for the record she does want to open it, has for months, but her partners want no part in that. Thanks redpepper.

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