Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Poly Discussions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   Mono to poly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21978)

Letitbe 03-03-2012 12:33 AM

Mono to poly
I would love to learn more about people's experiences making the leap from mono to poly. Is there already a tread about this?

nycindie 03-03-2012 03:18 AM

You can use the search function to find threads that are tagged with "mono to poly," "new to polyamory," etc.

redpepper 03-05-2012 05:24 AM

most of this site is made up of peoples writings on making the transition from mono to poly. Is there something specific you are asking? Your question seems rather vague to me.

Letitbe 03-07-2012 04:35 AM

How do you know when you're ready to go from mono to poly?

redpepper 03-07-2012 05:13 AM

Well, I would take a baby step and see how it goes. Small steps, pace myself, allow each moment to sink in (savour it) and see how it goes.

Letitbe 03-07-2012 10:00 PM

What would a baby step be?

MeeraReed 03-08-2012 04:21 PM

You might get more out of this if you post your specific situation with details about the relationship, people involved, ages, past experience, etc. You may start a threat under "Poly Relationship Corner" explaining what's going on.

There's no one answer to what a "baby step" is. It would be different for each person and situation.

Is poly something you really want because it feels right to you, or is it something your partner wants and you are trying to accommodate yourself to the situation? Your approach and our advice to you might be a little different in each case.

ThatGirlInGray 03-08-2012 07:15 PM

Just to give you an idea of why "What would a baby step be?" isn't really a question we can answer, here's a FEW of ONE person's "steps" on their 14+ year journey to poly:

* Flirting and dancing with other people is ok.
* Kissing other people is ok.
* Fooling around with other people when SO can't be around is ok.
* Fooling around with other people when SO is around is ok.
* (lots of other steps in between)
* being in a committed and sexual relationship with someone I love other than my spouse is ok.

So, a baby step for you might be going on a date with someone who is not your SO (I'm assuming you are currently in a relationship when you talk about making the "leap" from mono to poly) with the understanding that physical contact on this date will be limited to what would be acceptable in public. Or maybe that's too much. Or maybe it's too restrictive. There's no way for us to tell what you and your SO feel comfortable with at this point, and that's the definition of a baby step: something different from what you do now that you're fairly confident you'll be able to manage. And then make sure everyone involved actually IS ok with the reality (versus the hypothetical) before moving on to the next baby step.

sweetchic1 03-08-2012 11:27 PM

My journey from Mono to Poly was a good journey. I met "Bill" on Plenty of Fish and I thought he was just a single Mono guy. I was wrong "Bill" was very much a Poly person. I enjoy the Poly life style. I am bi so that makes thinbgs easy from Me. Then I met "Sally" his wife and she is also bi so I had a relationship with her and I had a relationship with "Bill".

nycindie 03-09-2012 02:05 PM


Originally Posted by Letitbe (Post 127867)
How do you know when you're ready to go from mono to poly?


Originally Posted by Letitbe (Post 127966)
What would a baby step be?

Well, what sort of relationship do you already have and what do you both want? These are very personal choices to make and depend on the people involved, their goals, how well they communicate, and their willingness to be supportive of each other in the process.

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:48 PM.