||02-23-2010 02:56 PM
Happy to be here.
I guess Iíll start with the obligatory ďIím new here.Ē
Itís hard to organize my thoughts right now, which is kind of why Iím here. Ever since I can remember Iíve always had a feeling that 27 was going to be the best year of my life. I have had very vivid dreams of happiness and fulfillment. Although each dream takes place in a different city with different people, 2 things remain the same. First, Iím always 27, secondly, Iím in a poly relationship. Of course as a youngster, I didnít know what that was or what significance it had. So pretty much forever, Iíve had thoughts of polyamory.
To parallel these dreams, in my ďreal lifeĒ I have always had these views or beliefs that I pushed down inside me because I felt strange. I have displaced feelings regarding traditional/ĒmoralĒ behavior regarding love and being in love and giving love, and I actually have/had a tremendous amount of guilt regarding the way I think things should be. I have been in several long term monogamous relationships with men and women and though each relationship was different and unique, the one common issue was that I always felt that I had all this love to give, and that I wasnít ever getting enough from just one person. I felt like ďif things could just be as I dreamÖ..Ē if only I could have 2 or 3 partners. I could do that. That would make me happy. I also felt like I could be a better lover and partner if I didnít have to focus my affection to one person. However, I had never even heard of polyamory. The only thing even close to polyamory that I had ever heard of was Mormon polygamistsí or cult like ownership of multiple women by one man.
A couple days after my 27th birthday (2 weeks ago) I was on facebook reading a discussion regarding a lesbian coupleís wedding, one particular poster/friend of the couple (who are friends of a friend of mine) had very insightful comments and so I clicked on her profile. She had links listed for a couple of poly sites, and Iím telling you right now it was the most intense butterflies Iíve ever felt. First of all, knowing there are so many people who live these completely fulfilling lives, who are quite literally living my dream. And I know itís corny, but how bizarre that I stumbled onto all of this 2 days after my birthday of the year I had always dreamed about. I know it sounds unreal. Anyway, I spent the next several hours on my computer just reading and reading and I kept finding myself thinking thoughts like ďYES!Ē or ďThatís exactly how it should beĒ or ďI feel that way too!Ē
Iím here to read and learn and hopefully gain knowledge and resources to guide me in the direction that Iíve dreamt of and been compelled toward for so long.