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-   -   OMG! I just said the "L" word. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21834)

JaneQSmythe 02-27-2012 12:39 AM

OMG! I just said the "L" word.
 
Seriously, I am emotionally retarded...Dude and I have been "involved" for 9-10 months (during which time we have been living together) and I have come to acknowledge that he is my "boyfriend" and I just NOW (as of a whole 40 minutes ago) told him that I "loved" him. This is a HUGE deal for me, as I have only ever told one other person this, ever...(That would be MrS, a jillion or so years ago...and that took a good 1 1/2 years...so Dude cut that time in 1/2.)

To be fair, I have known this (subconsciously) for some time, MrS told me a few months ago that it was OK for me to say it (to Dude), Dude has been saying it to me for some time (my response?: "Thank you."). To me, the verb "love" implies a certain level of responsibility - that I always have shied away from and am now, hesitantly, ready to acknowledge.

Wish me luck (please!).

The "luckiest-girl-in-the-world",
Jane

KyleKat 02-27-2012 02:10 AM

Awesome! It sounds like you put the appropriate amount of thought into the situation and it's best when you say it naturally like you did. Succumbing to pressure is never the answer, and the fact that you held out is good.

I remember the first time I told one of my ex-girlfriends that I loved her. We always used to say, "I like you" or something silly like that. One time I said it without meaning it and she said, "did you just...?" and I said, "yeah I didn't... I mean... Uhhh..." I don't remember exactly what happened after that but I remember feeling like the silliest person in the world.

NovemberRain 02-27-2012 02:23 AM

oh dearest Jane, you don't need luck! You're already the luckiest girl in the world. :D

How about congratulations instead?

There are probably hundreds of lurkers wishing you luck, and hoping that someday they're as lucky as you.

I'm grinning. So happy for you. (alla youse)

redpepper 02-27-2012 05:15 AM

I can't shake the retard thing (yes I realize its a figure of speech, one that should never of become popular, but there ya go, people like to turn hurtful words into something popular). Sorry, I just find that the people I work with that actually are disabled are the quickest to say "I love you" and show it.... I think its us "normal" people that struggle the most... we have so much to learn by getting our heads out of our asses and really seeing how we fuck up our own humanness because of programming. Gah, I think I have worked at my profession for too long. :o

My wording would of been more along the lines of "Seriously, I am emotionally 'normal.'" :p

Congrats on breaking free and saying how you feel. :)

Phy 02-27-2012 05:33 AM

I so understand where you are coming from. I still have to say the L-word to my boyfriend. I overused it during my first relationship ever, as I was so 'in love' with the concept of love and I projected it on my first boyfriend back then. It was fun in its own way and certainly true to some extend, but I could never again be so carefree about it when this relationship ended, because I learned what the true meaning was by this experience.

During that period of time, the feeling of the 'I love you' changed, it became much more meaningful and honest, than it had been before and that's when I realized that I had thought to be in love before, but it was more a mixture of attraction and fondness and 'liking'. That's why I told my husband "I love you" for the first time a bit over a year after we officially got together. It was the earliest time I felt ready to say it and mean it with all that comes with it.

With Lin it is a strange thing, we have been 'in love' for years now, but because of all the things going on besides this knowledge, I am still hesitant to say it. This may be due to the thing you stated: There is so much responsibility in this little sentence. I thought it more than once, but it didn't feel right to voice it each time it came to mind. I am kind of curiously observing when my words will match my feelings for the first time :o

Therefore, as a fellow not-over-or-easily-user of that special word: Congratulations on reaching that level of comfort with Dude :D

KyleKat 02-27-2012 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 126715)
I can't shake the retard thing (yes I realize its a figure of speech, one that should never of become popular, but there ya go, people like to turn hurtful words into something popular). Sorry, I just find that the people I work with that actually are disabled are the quickest to say "I love you" and show it.... I think its us "normal" people that struggle the most... we have so much to learn by getting our heads out of our asses and really seeing how we fuck up our own humanness because of programming. Gah, I think I have worked at my profession for too long. :o

My wording would of been more along the lines of "Seriously, I am emotionally 'normal.'" :p

Congrats on breaking free and saying how you feel. :)

Actually in this case it was used properly. Read the phrase literally. She is emotionally slow and it typically takes her a long time to fall in love. Retard is the same as gay. They're both words with innocent meanings that we're used negatively and because we live in a big PR sensitive world we can't use words that were previously acceptable for their true meanings because someone might think we are using it as slang.

nycindie 02-27-2012 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 126715)
I can't shake the retard thing (yes I realize its a figure of speech, one that should never of become popular, but there ya go, people like to turn hurtful words into something popular).

The OP didn't call anyone a "retard." She referred to herself as emotionally retarded. It is still perfectly proper to use it as a verb or adjective when it is not directed at someone as an epithet.

redpepper 02-27-2012 07:06 AM

I realize everything you are saying here. I didn't say she said anyone was a "rerard"... I think you missed my point. Whatever, it isn't relevant to the topic at hand anyway... lol, another fail at trying to be ironic and funny. Seems I thought I could actually attempt to be a REAL person on here again...

enjoy your love feeling :)

BrigidsDaughter 02-27-2012 04:58 PM

Yes, the OP used the term correctly, but RP was well within her right to point out that the word is a trigger for her and why.

RP- I think you did a good job of expressing that w/o attacking the OP.

Jane - Congrats on saying the "L-word". My boyfriend and I don't say it often, in part because we said it so much in the beginning it made his wife uncomfortable. That doesn't mean that we don't feel it. It just makes it feel even more special to me when he does say it.

Example, last week when I drove him home it was snowing pretty badly and when we pulled into his driveway he thought he heard a sound that concerned him. So when we were talking on Skype on Friday he was all worried about my car, wanted to make sure I put more oil in it before driving it, etc. Because he wanted me to be safe and not have my engine damaged. (having my car back means we can see each other more frequently). When I assured him I would he said "good" and sent me a heart. (which is for us = the L word) :)

Pretzels 02-28-2012 01:08 AM

Congrats from another idiot!

I don't like that phrase a lot because I think it gets overused by many in the wrong situations. However, I use it when I know I won't see either of them for a while. It's important to give that injection into a relationship for me, but not drown someone in it.


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