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-   -   The Situation (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21814)

lonelygirlny 02-26-2012 05:16 AM

The Situation
 
My Husband is okay with me being with other people... The problem I have run into is that the guy I really like says he respects me too much to "interfere" with my marriage. He says that I need to figure out my situation, and if I am single he would love to be with me. I don't want to give up on my marriage, but I want to have a relationship with him. How do I convince him that it is okay. It is a very frustrating situation.

NovemberRain 02-26-2012 06:01 AM

Maybe have your husband tell him it's okay?

nycindie 02-26-2012 07:32 AM

I would invite him to coffee or cocktails with you and your husband so they can both meet and get to know each other a bit. Your hubs can let him know he wouldn't be interfering. You can also give him some links to do a little reading about poly, such as:

http://www.polyamory.org/
http://www.lovethatworks.org/FAQ.html
http://www.polyamoryonline.org/

drtalon 02-26-2012 04:25 PM

On the other hand...

Is it possible that "not wanting to interfere because he respects you too much" is his way of gently rejecting you because he finds it unacceptable to date a married person?

You may just be courting a cowboy (someone who will try to break up your other relationships) if you try to pursue him.

ThatGirlInGray 02-27-2012 03:17 AM

Or it may be he's a person who just isn't comfortable participating in a poly relationship. There may not be anything anyone can do or say to convince him. A very good friend of mine, who knew my husband, knew the situation, everything, still couldn't wrap his head around he and I being together. To him, in his words, it was, "just too weird!"

He's still my friend and he doesn't judge (most of) my lifestyle decisions, but his choice for himself was to not be romantically or sexually involved with me. Made me very sad and angry and disappointed at the time and it took me a while to get over him in that way, but that's the way life goes sometimes.


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