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-   -   Not our first rodeo, but oh wow, here we go again! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21746)

mixer 02-24-2012 12:49 AM

Not our first rodeo, but oh wow, here we go again!
I’m a forty year old male, she’s younger and female. We’re not *technically* married, but might as well be. Together eight years, sharing a mailbox for most of them.

A few years ago things started to develop between her and a friend, and after a few drinks we decided to make a go of it as a triad. That ended three months later in what we refer to as our “white trash moment in the snow”. Good times had, hard lessons learned, etc.

A few weeks ago I jokingly referred to someone as her girlfriend, and it turned out that I’d joked correctly. So now we’re doing some serious discussing and introspecting, and I’m here to find sufficient wisdom that we may avoid such drama this time around.

polyFM 02-24-2012 01:41 AM

Welcome :) As a new guy myself, I'd be curious to hear what kind of issues you encountered with the "moment in the snow"... lessons learned, etc. Maybe the relationships board would be a better place for that, though I'm not sure.

mixer 02-24-2012 02:34 AM

We tried to go into it with eyes wide open, but it turned out we’d misjudged things with regard to our girlfriend’s true desires. She was more into me than she’d let on. That being the case, she wasn’t ultimately comfortable with the limitations of the situation.

The WTDM happened when we brought her with us on vacation, to a little cabin way up in the mountains. There had been a, shall we say, awkward moment in bed that night and after she thought we’d gone to sleep (the beds there are barely big enough for two) she packed up and left.

My girl, we’ll call her Lucy, went out to explain to her that driving down that mountain in the middle of the night at the start of a snowstorm was rather a bad idea. Eventually we got her back inside for the night, but the next day was the last we saw of her. She disappeared from our lives, hid from us online, etc. None of that was terribly surprising, as we’d been discovering vast swaths of dishonesty, and had already concluded that we weren’t gonna be able to make this work with her. But we did think we had hoped that we could wind it down a bit more gracefully.

Which is why I figured it’d be years before anything like this happened again, if it ever did. But oh hey look, it’s been a few years… my how they go by!

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