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-   -   Friendship vs Love? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21701)

OneWingedAngel 02-22-2012 03:07 AM

Friendship vs Love?
You know, when I think about friendship, I think about all the ties we have with various people that we regard as friends. Why do we have a need to have multiple friends? Because each friendship serves a different purpose for each one of us in different ways. It's also unrealistic to ask one person to be all the friend that you need. Some friendships are closer than others, but how often do you ever hear about friendships declaring their status for one another or having a legal binding agreement with each other establishing themselves as best friends?

Friendship and love can be two different things but they can also overlap. So, what makes the dynamic of friendships any different from love? Is it reasonable to expect that we should be able to to receive all the love that we can get from one person? What led society to believe that close and intimate love relationships should only be between two people of the opposite sex (other than procreation) or even between two people in general?

I often wonder how things would be different if legal binding agreements to any marriage or unions were outlawed or didn't exist?

nycindie 02-22-2012 06:39 AM

You might find some of these discussions thought-provoking and relevant to your questions:

Friends / Friendship....

poly friendships...

Cuddling With Friends - & Non-sexual Intimacy

Intimate vs. Friendship

friendships - sad vent - posible link mono v poly styles

Anam Cara - Soul Friends

OneWingedAngel 02-22-2012 05:05 PM

Thank you very much for the links. I am new here. Lots of interesting stuff to read and catch up on. I am looking forward to learning and participating in these forums.

AutumnalTone 02-23-2012 03:45 PM


Originally Posted by Vanda (Post 126118)
I often wonder how things would be different if legal binding agreements to any marriage or unions were outlawed or didn't exist?

Those legal contracts called "marriage" involve a whole lot of agreements. Without having marriage as a form of legal shorthand, all of the ties people have would have to be spelled out--the whole of survivorship, joint ownership, inheritance, powers of attorney, and so on and so forth. Marriage is quite useful from that point of view.

That said, I suspect we'd be better off if folks remember that the marriage contract serves as shorthand for all sorts of other legal bindings and we could develop a variety of such contracts to provide for more customization of marriage agreements.

OneWingedAngel 02-26-2012 05:14 PM

Either they need to eliminate discriminatory references defining marriages as between a man and a woman (or two people in general), or start recognizing alternative forms of intimate relationships agreed upon by those who choose to be involved in the agreement. I tend to think it would be less of a mess if the government didn't have a hand in defining or recognizing intimate unions between mature adults.

Even without marriages many people still have to deal with various legalities of parental agreements, inheritances, finances, power of attorney and such. Why would there continue to be a need for the government's involvement in recognizing intimate unions between adults?

feelyunicorn 03-07-2012 02:42 AM

I see absolutely no difference between friendship and love. But, I have high standards for whom I would call a friend, as opposed to an acquaintance.

StarTeddy 03-07-2012 02:51 AM

I struggle with the concept myself, because I have high standards for my friends and usually end up falling for them. This is actually a problem I have right now, because I have a strange restrained semi-romantic relationship with my best friend, which led me to consider poly as an option...but my mono boyfriend says that I can "love" my best friends without it being "love", and then I get all confused...

redpepper 03-07-2012 04:50 AM

Friends and partners are very different to me. The closest friends I have were loves of mine and the partners I have are my closest friends. Its a matter of trust or no trust. I don't trust often. I love often though, but usually its from afar and with people I don't necessarily trust... If that makes sense at all?

Shannanigan 03-09-2012 06:58 PM

I love my friends. I tell them so. Some of them I kiss hello and goodbye, others are less expressive, and that's ok. Hell, I even have a lover who doesn't like PDA at ALL, so even though I'm more physically involved with him, I'm more physically expressive with other friends when we're out in a group.

There are so many levels of love and comfort with expressing that love. I have lately had a hard time distinguishing between friendship and love because I've found such a vast grey area. Instead of dissecting it, though, I'm trying to just enjoy the joyous ride that it is, while being open and honest with everyone involved.

feelyunicorn 03-09-2012 08:05 PM


Originally Posted by Shannanigan (Post 128193)
Hell, I even have a lover who doesn't like PDA at ALL,

Whoa. That`s so cool...seems rare nowadays. Everything is a money shot in public squares.

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