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UnfoldingHearts 02-21-2012 02:50 AM

New to this

My husband and I have been married for almost ten years this year, and just about two weeks ago I noticed that he was pushing me away. I didn't really know what to do. All I knew is that I loved him and was willing to let him go flirt or hang out with another woman because I wanted him to be happy. I told him to do that and from that point we poured out every honest secret we were feeling. It brought back a lot of feelings that I had for him. We have our souls back instead of keeping them locked away in a fantasy box, and I never felt more love for him than I do now. This has been about a week ago, and I have tons of mixed feelings and I am so glad there are other people out there to share the love with. If anyone can offer any encouragement for me to feel better about our situation I would appreciate that.



JaneQSmythe 02-21-2012 02:58 AM

If anyone can offer any encouragement for me to feel better about our situation I would appreciate that."

Just because your hubby has feelings for someone else doesn't mean he doesn't also care for you. "Pouring" honesty into the mix can only help. However if this whole concept is new to the both of you, then I think the slower the pace the better.

Good luck and happy loving!

UnfoldingHearts 02-21-2012 03:06 AM

The second I gave him permission two days later he started chatting with another woman. I am just feeling crappy about it. I guess I will get over it. I just have so many emotions about this and it sucks really bad. I want to try this out too, but I guess since I let him go finally he saw the chance to do it. I guess I would like to have another man tell that he cares about me since he so eager to chat with another woman. Thank you.

UnfoldingHearts 02-21-2012 04:50 PM

Reply from last night.
I guess the best way to cope with him is learn when to spend time with each other. It is almost like I am suffering from separation anxiety. There should be a time to spend talking with his new friend and a time to spend talking and share ourselves with each other. Does that sound like I understand this a little bit? Anybody can respond to this. I just need to be patient.


Unfolding Hearts

techdotcom 02-23-2012 12:49 AM

You've spent your whole life training and practicing monogamy. You are going to have some painful adjustments to make as far as your emotional reflexes go. It takes time and experience with these new situations to see and really believe/feel secure.

Being very open and communicative with your husband and trying very hard to not have knee jerk reactions and obsess is going to be the key. It's like when you first started your relationship so many years ago, this situation is going to require emotional and social skills that you may have not really ever needed. Just don't make hasty decisions, move slowly, and keep the lines of communication open.

UnfoldingHearts 02-23-2012 04:38 AM

Thanks for all of the advice so far. I hope that will help us.

nancyfore 02-25-2012 01:35 AM

Talking everything out extensively will help.. Telling him how your feeling might help him understand that going a little slower or establishing some rules will help you through this...

CuriousMuse 02-26-2012 12:25 AM

If you are doing it for him, are you sure that it is right for you? You need to be honest with each other before all else but what I find hardest is being honest with myself.

UnfoldingHearts 02-27-2012 04:43 PM

Thank you for your responses. The funny thing is, is that this was my idea. I do want to experience this and get to know other people, whether it be friendship or love, or just flirting. I need that too. As well as him. We talk everyday about everything no matter what it is. I want to know what he is thinking and he wants the same. My feelings have gotten better because he wants me to be happy too. I really appreciate your responses. Every little bit helps.

Unfolding hearts

KyleKat 02-28-2012 12:04 AM

I can totally relate to all of this. My wife was pushing me away and even told me she was unhappy at one point. I have always been the one to bring up being poly. She told me she needed it and she now has someone I refer to as a boyfriend even though I don't think she sees him that way "yet". It takes patience and understanding and honesty. I've been on one date since we decided to do this and I could tell it affected her but we talked and she is good with it. This all started not too terribly long ago for us so if you ever need someone to talk to I would be more than happy to chat! :)

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