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-   -   Sexually Compatible VS Compatible Sexuality (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2157)

MonoVCPHG 02-16-2010 04:12 PM

Sexually Compatible VS Compatible Sexuality
 
I recently spoke to Redpepper about the concept that people could be sexually compatible but not compatible in their sexuality. In essence - they can have great sex together, enjoy a wide variety of things in one environment or situation but have very different interests in sexuality as a whole.

I will take an attempt at an analogy. Take a person who loves to play catch. They spend lots of fun time playing catch with a good friend in the back yard and then their friend says "hey, why don't you come out and play a game with me sometime" The reply is "no thanks, I just like playing catch".

So now we might have a case where one person can't understand why someone who loves playing catch doesn't want to involve themselves in a game. The other person can't understand the need to add all the other aspects to what is an otherwise enjoyable and fulfilling experience.

Their "catch compatible" but not "game compatible"

Think of catch as sexually compatible and the game as sexuality as a whole.

Obviously there is only a problem if one person says "if you don't play a game I won't play catch with you" or "I don't want to play catch with you if you play games".

I'm wondering what others thoughts are on this? Does the concept of sexually compatible and compatible sexuality make sense?

Peace and Love
Mono


No need to read into this post LOL - Many of the ideas I have come from discussions with Redpepper and Polynerdist which make me look deeply inward. We don't tend to ride the surface with our chat so I am grateful for their inspiration to learn and share. I can almost draw all of my internal concepts with respect to how I experience love and relationships in general....I have spent a year internalizing.....my schedule is way too light apparently :)

NeonKaos 02-16-2010 04:17 PM

I think that if you have the time and energy to devote to topics such as this one, then you have one heck of an easy, carefree, charmed life.

MonoVCPHG 02-16-2010 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YGirl (Post 22350)
easy, carefree, charmed life.

I wouldn't use those words exactly..but being a introvert with lots of time does in fact help...multitasking at work helps too ;)

GroundedSpirit 02-16-2010 04:27 PM

Hmmmmm
 
Hey Mon,

I'm not sure I'm completely getting where you are going here. Dense moment ? (I have those)

But trying to use your analogy - would it be correct to substitute the word "interest" instead of "compatibility" ? Or is that changing what you're trying to say too much ? Something about the word 'compatibility' - to me - implies too much of a go/no go imperative.

Because if we can do the substitution - where is the conflict or concern ?

Different people have different likes, tastes etc, some we share with others, some we don't. No inherent conflict there is there ?
We cum together on the things we do share and out of common courtesy & respect, allow the space for each other to indulge in the things we don't separately.

So except for examples like you offered where one or the other starts to exert some form of control drama or the different 'likes' are so adverse to one or the other to actually diminish respect - and therefore any shared connection, I think we have to respect each individual's right to seek their own happiness & fulfillment.

Is that maybe a big part of the definition of 'open mind' and even 'love' ? Embracing both our similarities as well as our 'differences' ?

Hope I guessed at what you were trying to get at ?

GS

MonoVCPHG 02-16-2010 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit (Post 22352)

So except for examples like you offered where one or the other starts to exert some form of control drama or the different 'likes' are so adverse to one or the other to actually diminish respect - and therefore any shared connection, I think we have to respect each individual's right to seek their own happiness & fulfillment.


GS

Bang on, GS. Although I would exchange the word "respect" for ability to share sexually because of differences. I am wondering if people experience this.

Ceoli 02-16-2010 05:37 PM

I view any sexual connections I make with a person as a manifestation of my sexuality. I can't really see a difference. If I'm sexually compatible with someone, then it fits that they are compatible with my sexuality. Simply because they may not share in ALL aspects of my sexual expression doesn't mean that they are not somehow part of my sexuality as a whole.

MonoVCPHG 02-16-2010 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ceoli (Post 22359)
I view any sexual connections I make with a person as a manifestation of my sexuality. I can't really see a difference. If I'm sexually compatible with someone, then it fits that they are compatible with my sexuality. Simply because they may not share in ALL aspects of my sexual expression doesn't mean that they are not somehow part of my sexuality as a whole.

Cool! This type of personal perspectives is what I was looking for. Thanks for sharing Ceoli :)

polytriad 02-16-2010 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 22347)
I recently spoke to Redpepper about the concept that people could be sexually compatible but not compatible in their sexuality. In essence - they can have great sex together, enjoy a wide variety of things in one environment or situation but have very different interests in sexuality as a whole.

I will take an attempt at an analogy. Take a person who loves to play catch. They spend lots of fun time playing catch with a good friend in the back yard and then their friend says "hey, why don't you come out and play a game with me sometime" The reply is "no thanks, I just like playing catch".

So now we might have a case where one person can't understand why someone who loves playing catch doesn't want to involve themselves in a game. The other person can't understand the need to add all the other aspects to what is an otherwise enjoyable and fulfilling experience.

Their "catch compatible" but not "game compatible"

Think of catch as sexually compatible and the game as sexuality as a whole.

Obviously there is only a problem if one person says "if you don't play a game I won't play catch with you" or "I don't want to play catch with you if you play games".

I'm wondering what others thoughts are on this? Does the concept of sexually compatible and compatible sexuality make sense?

Peace and Love
Mono


No need to read into this post LOL - Many of the ideas I have come from discussions with Redpepper and Polynerdist which make me look deeply inward. We don't tend to ride the surface with our chat so I am grateful for their inspiration to learn and share. I can almost draw all of my internal concepts with respect to how I experience love and relationships in general....I have spent a year internalizing.....my schedule is way too light apparently :)

I see where you are coming from. I would take things a little slower. In your analogy you went from playing catch to playing a game. You could simply start by playin catch at the field and then people would join in with you and your partners over time with permission from the both of you of course. or you could play catch with more people.

You understand what the game has to offer your partner doesn't so why play the game when playing catch is perfect? You have to show your partner that more of a good thing is out there but not bombard them with it.

CielDuMatin 02-16-2010 07:21 PM

See for me, I have a broad spectrum of things I like to do when it comes to sexual things. I certainly don't expect any partner of mine to want to do all of them. It's definitely not an all-or-nothing thing.

To me, we are compatible when there are enough things that we have in common to make it interesting and to fulfill that feeling of intimacy and fun that represents sexuality for me.

MonoVCPHG 02-16-2010 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by polytriad (Post 22363)

You understand what the game has to offer your partner doesn't so why play the game when playing catch is perfect? You have to show your partner that more of a good thing is out there but not bombard them with it.

Sorry my friend, I think you might have missed my initial intent of my comment. It certainly wasn't about how to get someone to open up to playing a game LOL! I don't adhere to the "more of a good thing is out there" theory so to speak haha, but I do think if some one was looking to try to change thier partners outlook on this matter your advice is great.


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