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-   -   Need a little advice. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21564)

Nerdpower13 02-17-2012 07:40 PM

Need a little advice.
So my wife and I are in an open marriage. On her side she is only looking for sex outside of the marriage but I am looking for more of an emotional connection. I met a girl and we have been talking and at first she said she wasn't okay with the open thing but then she told me that she would give it a try but I had to be okay with her seeing other people too so now I guess I'm in a "W" potentially with me dating her and married to my wife and both of them seeing other people. The major problem for me though is she lives all the way in Ohio and I'm in Virginia. It sucks because my wife's other guy lives here and she gets to see him almost every day at school but I never get to see my gf and I'm afraid that will make me and my gf grow apart. I have had no luck finding anyone around here who is interested in dating a married guy either. Especially a nerdy one.

redpepper 02-17-2012 08:21 PM

I suggest you do a tag search for "ldr" as there are threads there about long distance relationships.

The benefits of ldr's are that things go at a slow pace which allows for things to process slowly and with care. NRE lasts longer that way and closeness can be more intense because if emailing, texting etc. Its a viable option to have ldr's. Having long drawn out holidays to see each other for big chunks of time is nice too.

Nerdpower13 02-17-2012 08:24 PM

My problem with long-distance is I have no money to go visit. Especially as far away as Ohio. We use every dime we make paying bills and buying food for the house and such. I also feel guilty for being unable to give my girlfriend a similar level of attention as I give to my wife.

redpepper 02-17-2012 08:32 PM

Well the guilt isn't going to serve you, your wife or the gf. So I would drop that. I think I would just let it go and agree to keep talking and remaining committed until its done. In the meanwhile I would keep looking and making friends. There is no reason to dump her and no reason to not keep looking and be happy with what you have as far as I can see.

Nerdpower13 02-17-2012 08:38 PM

I know. I just get lonely when my wife is off flirting with her guy and talking to him while I'm home looking for love on the internet.

redpepper 02-17-2012 08:42 PM


Originally Posted by Nerdpower13 (Post 125493)
I know. I just get lonely when my wife is off flirting with her guy and talking to him while I'm home looking for love on the internet.

I hear ya. A lot of us started there. Its easier for women too. Maybe she needs to pay you more attention. Sounds like the balance is off.

Keep at it, stay positive, find some like minded friends to hang with and be patient. It'll happen when you least expect. Besides, you can hang out here whenever you want :) we're friendly enough.

Nerdpower13 02-17-2012 08:44 PM

That's what I'm trying to do. It just seems everyone around here is a bunch of bigoted rednecks who judge you at first sight. It's so hard to find cool nerdy girls around here.

freyamarie 02-17-2012 09:58 PM

Totally off your topic but I have to tell you it could be worse....you could live in the Bible belt.

Try to find some interests that will get you together with different groups of peeps. Perhaps meetup.com or some such would be a good place to look for some groups. A lot of these are inexpensive to free things you can do to keep yourself busy.

Derbylicious 02-17-2012 10:19 PM


Have you ever been to a con? Those things are full of cool nerdy people. The link I posted is to one in Virginia. Much better than searching the internet for love IMHO.

Nerdpower13 02-17-2012 10:21 PM

I went to Nekocon, an anime convention in VA, back in '09. My wife and I and a few friends want to go to Animazement in May which is also nearby.

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