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-   -   scared and upset (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21519)

trescool 02-16-2012 07:06 PM

scared and upset
Hey ya'al...
first a warning... if you've been through an abusive relationship before this may contain triggers. Please take care of yourself and don't read it if you're liable to PTSD or overwhelmingly strong emotions. I know I'll be OK. :)

So I've written a lot about the bad deterioration of my past triad relationship. This has come to the point where I'm actually afraid for my safety from my ex-girlfriend.
Quick history-- my boyfriend and my ex-girlfriend were married. Now they're not. She was physically abusive to him and verbally abusive to me throughout the course of our triad. I left, he followed, she filed for divorce. She was physically abusive to him before either of them met me.
My boyfriend and I never reported it to the police, something I bitterly regret in retrospect. He was afraid they wouldn't believe him and I didn't feel scared for my safety back then.
Now I've heard through common friends more and more stories of how crazy she is becoming during this divorce. I am actually afraid for my safety, like that she'll send one of her boyfriends after me with a tire iron or something crazy like that. I don't know if I'm over-reacting but I just get a very bad feeling about all of this.
It's so hard on my relationship with my boyfriend. I sometimes just want to skip the province for a while. But I have my life here I want to live and I have a right to live it.
I don't have any "reason" to believe that she'll actually hurt me. It's just I know how illogical and short-tempered she is from our relationship. I know how she lets her emotions get away with her. I know how she doesn't even remember how to think when she gets upset. I've never felt this afraid before. :(:(:(
Eish this is so scary and f'd up.

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