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-   -   Kind Of Confused About Myself (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21425)

Darkdaisuke 02-15-2012 07:24 AM

Kind Of Confused About Myself
 
Ok I'm new here but I was hoping to get some advice on what's "wrong" with me. Ok Ive only been in long distance relationships, nothing physical. Been purely online and yes I understand I should probably date in person before I go on worrying about this problem, but I have this problem of where I will be with one guy and will want to be another one as well. Like a year ago I was with a guy who was quite wonderful, but I became interested in this other guy, but I didn't want to hurt the other one and yet I liked them both. Ive done this a few times, and felt like I had to make a choice, ultimately hurting someone and it kills me. I'm not sure if its just cause I'm young and don't know what love/commitment is or if I'm possibly polyamorus. I'm just so confused over my own feelings that I feel I need an outside source to help me sort this out a bit. I mean I'm not below telling a guy I want to be with him just to get a quick well you know in Ill say um "friendly" time in with and then just want nothing to do with the guy. I'm just not sure if its just online or this is how I'll be when really dating. Ok thank you for reading all of this and please let me know what you guys think.

bassman 02-15-2012 07:33 AM

Hi Cory.
Welcome to the forum!

I think you are feeling the pressure that society, culture, religion, and even the law, press upon us to be monogamous !
I'd suggest buying a book immediately - "the Ethical slut". - its about how to conduct relationships with honesty and integrity, while not necessarily monogamously.

You are on the right track to be considering other people's feelings. I think we are all attracted to many people at the same time , and thats fine - I think you are looking for a way to deal with these feelings without hurting people - GOOD!!

nycindie 02-15-2012 08:41 AM

I would say you just need to date in real life and gain some experience in relating to people face to face. If all your relationships are online, you'll never really know who you're dealing with and that makes it easy to want someone else. Go out with friends, socialize, and see who you hit it off with -- and don't worry too much about wanting more choices. Get to know people in person, let them know you, and see where life and the dynamics of your relationships take you.

Gargantuan 02-22-2012 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darkdaisuke (Post 125032)
I have this problem of where I will be with one guy and will want to be another one as well. Like a year ago I was with a guy who was quite wonderful, but I became interested in this other guy, but I didn't want to hurt the other one and yet I liked them both. Ive done this a few times, and felt like I had to make a choice, ultimately hurting someone and it kills me. I'm not sure if its just cause I'm young and don't know what love/commitment is or if I'm possibly polyamorus.

I think it's that you're young and inexperienced. You should go out and meet people and not worry to much.


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