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-   -   Looking for advice (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21190)

justme33 02-11-2012 03:28 AM

Looking for advice
 
I have recently discussed adding another wife with my current wife and she has asked me what the benefits would be for both her and the other woman. I have explained the obvious but she would like to hear more. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

nycindie 02-11-2012 03:36 AM

What are the "obvious" benefits you told her??? I wouldn't think anything is particularly obvious, since it depends on the people involved.

justme33 02-11-2012 03:39 AM

I have explained having another person to help with the children would be a definate benefit as well as having another adult for conversation. I work 24 hour shifts and am gone every other day.

Anneintherain 02-11-2012 04:26 AM

I feel a bit bratty, so I will say that I think in your situation there would be more benefits of having another man around the house than another woman. :rolleyes:

Really if my husband was only home every other day, I wouldn't want to have to swap off nights ALWAYS because there was another live in partner (or be forced to share a bed with both of you to get time with you). And if I was not bisexual and didn't happen to be dating this other woman that I'D chosen as a live in partner because she was so awesome, I'd be irritated at spending every other day totally alone sharing all my personal space with my husband's other partner.

justme33 02-11-2012 04:33 AM

Guess I should have been more specific about things. They are both bi and we have been having a relationship and sharing the same bed for about 6 months now.

Anneintherain 02-11-2012 04:38 AM

Well then I have to say, if she is dating her and doesn't want to marry her/bring her in to live with you full time, then the benefits you could think of such as extra help with child care/house work/24 hour company - probably just aren't enough of a selling point to give up the privacy and independence she can get by having some time to herself in your house.

I think that after dating somebody for 6 months I'd have a pretty good idea if I wanted to live with them or not. I'm not sure somebody could convince me I wanted it with a list of practical reasons if I didn't already want it.

nycindie 02-11-2012 06:19 AM

^ I agree. Plus, while six months should be long enough to know whether you'd consider having someone move in with you, it still could be way to soon to do so. That is really just the beginning stages of a relationship, so it's better to be cautious and take it slowly when it comes to making a major change to your living situation. If your wife doesn't want it and "needs convincing," is there a reason you're pushing for this at this early stage? Is this something your gf wants?

km34 02-12-2012 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anneintherain (Post 124351)
I think that after dating somebody for 6 months I'd have a pretty good idea if I wanted to live with them or not. I'm not sure somebody could convince me I wanted it with a list of practical reasons if I didn't already want it.

I agree with this. If they are dating, your wife should KNOW whether or not she is interested in living with your gf. Has she told you her reasons for hesitating? I find it VERY hard to live with women in general, even if I care about them a lot. Maybe your wife is just not wanting to share HER house with another woman full-time, that's a huge adjustment when you're used to being on your own fairly often.


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