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-   -   Could use some advice... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21101)

LoveisPlural 02-08-2012 03:11 PM

Could use some advice...
I'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me about moving a poly household to a new community. My husband, boyfriend, and I currently live in Central Virginia, but we're going to be relocating in August, either elsewhere in Virginia or to Indiana, depending on which University my husband decides to transfer to. Either place will be at least 4 hours from our current home, and we don't have any family or community ties in either of the new locations. We're wrestling with the question of how open we want to be about our situation when we are living somewhere new. Where we are now, all 3 of us have lots of family and social ties, and we aren't comfortable being open because of how it might impact our families. Although we live in a medium sized city right now, it tends to feel like a small town, and two of us have lived here essentially our whole lives. We're constantly running into people that have known us since childhood, or who are connected to our families. This will be less of an issue in the new towns. We'd like to be able to be honest from the beginning about who we are, but I thought I'd see if anyone has any experience in this. Is it better to make poly-friendly friends in the new place from the beginning, in order to minimize worlds colliding? How do you find these friends when you're in a brand new place? Any suggestions will be appreciated.

km34 02-08-2012 06:59 PM

My husband and I may be relocating soon, as well, and I have been thinking many of the same things. I think being open from the get-go is the way to go. Depending on your job situations, that is. If you work somewhere or in a profession that being too open is going to harm you then obviously a certain level of discretion is required.

I searched meetup.com to see if there were any poly groups. Since we are also swingers, I searched the swinging site we are on to see if there were many people in the area. Fetlife also has poly groups, although they seem to overlap a lot with what you find on meetup (at least in the areas I've been looking at, maybe not everywhere).

In my experience, most people are pretty accepting of "alternative lifestyles" in new friends. Maybe not in old, established friendships since they have preconceived expectations, but in a new place you three are going to attract people who have similar outlooks.

And if you're possibly moving to Indianapolis, well, that's where I life now and I've never had anyone cut me out of their lives because of the way I live my life. Ever. :)

LoveisPlural 02-08-2012 07:11 PM

Both my men are college students, so work isn't an issue. We're looking at moving to Terre Haute, because my husband has applied to Rose-Hulman's Electrical Engineering program. I was sort of thinking the same thing- our families can't be hurt by our lifestyle, because no one there knows them, and my husband can't be kicked out of college for it, and neither can my boyfriend. Thanks!

drtalon 02-08-2012 07:24 PM

Once you've moved, find the local poly community(-ies) and make your friends through it(them).


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