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-   -   I'm new with lots of questions! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21070)

veganfreak 02-07-2012 08:31 PM

I'm new with lots of questions!
 
So I'm new here on the forums. My husband and I have discussed and read about polyamory for a few years now, so I feel like I know a lot about it, but we just recently decided that our relationship was healthy enough for us to open it up.

My husband frequently meets people through work or when he travels for work or he reconnects with ppl he went to high school with (he grew up in this area). So he is having no problem finding new people to meet and hang out with. I, OTOH, didn't grow up around here, grew up in a super religious family and was homeschooled so all my friends were super religious...so I'm trying to figure out how to meet new people.

I have met new people at my sons' school and through the homeschool group that we joined here. But I live in TX which means that the majority of people I meet are religious. Now the homeschool groups we joined are secular so it's possible I'll meet some awesome ppl there.

Also, I'm not really sure how to go about talking about polyamory to ppl or letting them know I'm available. I wear my wedding rings, I'm a mom of 3 young kids, babysitting a 4th, and most of what I talk about deals with parenting and includes dh. I'm also asexual and am looking for an emotional connection with some snuggles, but no sex. So it'd be kinda odd to just spill all that up front. "Hey, my husband and I have an open relationship but I'm asexual so I'm just looking for friendship and snuggles...you interested?" LOL

Oh and it's worth mentioning that my husband frequently gets hit on, even with is wedding ring on, but I *never* get hit on.

Anyways just looking for some tips on how to meet people and how to go about letting them know that I'm interested and what I'm interested in.

Thanks!

redpepper 02-07-2012 11:16 PM

Have you tried okcupid? Or any of the other dating sites? If you do a tag search here for "dating," or "dating sites" you will possibly come up with what has been talked about in regards to situations similar to your own.

Magdlyn 02-08-2012 01:08 AM

Are you straight or bi? If you're bi, I bet you could meet women through your parenting groups that would be interested in a deep emotional connection, and of course you'd have being moms in common.

If you want a guy... um, with watching 4 kids all day, how on earth do you have time and energy to hook up with one?;)

I had a couple dates with an asexual guy a couple years ago. He was into tickling instead, for endorphin release. I met him on ok cupid.

wildflowers 02-08-2012 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veganfreak (Post 123870)
am looking for an emotional connection with some snuggles, but no sex.

I wonder whether this necessarily needs to be in the context of polyamory. Do you feel strongly that it does, or are you perhaps just thinking in that context because that is where your husband would look? To me your description could potentially fit within the bounds of a close and caring friendship, though I guess it might depend on the scope of the snuggles :)

Anyway, I wonder whether simply pursuing friendships and getting to know people in your community isn't a good place to start. Of course, that could reflect my strong bias in favor of having relationship develop out of friendships, which is basically how mine have always happened.

NewCrobuzon 02-08-2012 03:22 AM

I definitely want to second the use of OKCupid. If you're feeling nervous or hesitant, you can just put up a profile stating exactly what you want out of the site: dating, relationships, good friends, etc., and then you sift through the responses. My experience with it is limited, since we've basically only used it to search for casual sex partners at this point, but there's definitely a fairly strong poly presence on it as well. The real good thing about it is, unlike most dating sites, it's free. So you can sign up casually and don't have to feel pressured into using it immediately.

(And no, I'm not on OKC's payroll. : P I've just had a lot of good experiences with it.)

veganfreak 02-08-2012 03:48 PM

thanks for all the replies!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magdlyn (Post 123911)
Are you straight or bi? If you're bi, I bet you could meet women through your parenting groups that would be interested in a deep emotional connection, and of course you'd have being moms in common.

If you want a guy... um, with watching 4 kids all day, how on earth do you have time and energy to hook up with one?;)

I had a couple dates with an asexual guy a couple years ago. He was into tickling instead, for endorphin release. I met him on ok cupid.

I'm bi curious. I grew up in a very religious family, I was a virgin when I got married at age 20 and my husband and I have had a monogamous relationship. So i've never been with a woman. I just actually realized about 1.5 years ago that i'm asexual. Before that, I just always thought there was something wrong with me b/c I didn't want/view sex the way everyone else did. For what i'm looking for in a relationship, I'd be happy with either male or female.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowers (Post 123918)
I wonder whether this necessarily needs to be in the context of polyamory. Do you feel strongly that it does, or are you perhaps just thinking in that context because that is where your husband would look? To me your description could potentially fit within the bounds of a close and caring friendship, though I guess it might depend on the scope of the snuggles :)

Anyway, I wonder whether simply pursuing friendships and getting to know people in your community isn't a good place to start. Of course, that could reflect my strong bias in favor of having relationship develop out of friendships, which is basically how mine have always happened.

nah, i don't think what i'm looking for has to be in the context of polyamory. i guess it does depend on the scope of the snuggles, lol. but my husband is also free to pursue relationships/casual sex/etc. and i am fine with that. i'm actually tired of trying to fulfill all his needs, lol.

I would love to have a simple friendship turn into a little more. But I don't currently have any friendships that I see going that direction. The ppl that I'm closest friends with are religious (and there's only 1 or 2) and the rest of the ppl I know are more superficial relationships but that's not for lack of trying on my part. I guess i suck at making friends, lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewCrobuzon (Post 123929)
I definitely want to second the use of OKCupid. If you're feeling nervous or hesitant, you can just put up a profile stating exactly what you want out of the site: dating, relationships, good friends, etc., and then you sift through the responses. My experience with it is limited, since we've basically only used it to search for casual sex partners at this point, but there's definitely a fairly strong poly presence on it as well. The real good thing about it is, unlike most dating sites, it's free. So you can sign up casually and don't have to feel pressured into using it immediately.

(And no, I'm not on OKC's payroll. : P I've just had a lot of good experiences with it.)

I will definitely take a look at OKCupid's website. I tried to look for a poly group in DFW, but apparently it's not active anymore. Dh and I need to get out and meet more people, but it is hard with 3 small little ones. I just need to be patient I guess. :)

zenlove1 02-10-2012 01:55 PM

I am a vegan too. Just wanted to say hi ;) and good luck!!
SL


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