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-   -   A piece of me (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2102)

VernalBliss 02-02-2010 03:45 AM

A piece of me
 
All of a sudden I find myself in a world that never even existed to me. A situation started purely for sexual satisfaction for myself has turned into something I never imagined. I have fallen in love with a married couple. I have never felt so comfortable or right in my life. That alone scares me to death because shouldn’t this feel wrong?

I continue on and one day she asks me to be their girlfriend and I am so delighted. I am so happy, so of course I say yes. I want this like nothing else. Even when they ask me to be committed to them and only them; I agree. Until that moment I was lost in wonderment about this situation. When they asked me to commit to them that is what made me hungry for knowledge. So I goggled and read and read some more. I had no idea this polyamorous life existed.

It’s been about 2 months of being committed and we have had our discussions and one brief situation that took all three of us really talking to sort out everyone’s feelings. I’ve told a few friends and I’ve had good responses as well as hurtful ones like I am their toy and why would you go into something like this when you walk away alone. Of course it’s hurtful and makes me question everything. Of course I am scared and I don’t want to get hurt, but this feels so right to me. I tell myself even monogamous relationships come with risks and I should enjoy the present and not worry. They assure me that they’re in this for the long haul and I have become very important in their life. They both are great to me.

Since this is so new and since not many are open to the idea I am filled with questions and it sometimes feel like nobody to talk to. Sometimes I just want to be heard and talk things out like any other friendship, but I feel like because they don’t exactly approve I can’t complain because that makes them right. But in all actuality all relationships have things to talk out, but it doesn’t make them bad. This has been the easiest yet most complex situation I have ever been involved in.

I guess this is a bit of my story. I am glad I found this group and if anyone has any questions or advice I’d love to hear it. Forgive me if I sound na´ve or I use the wrong terms or whatever. Again I am very new to all this even the concept. Thanks for reading.

MonoVCPHG 02-02-2010 03:53 AM

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing this :)

Ariakas 02-02-2010 05:13 AM

Welcome, and great story...thanks

CielDuMatin 02-02-2010 01:31 PM

Sounds like you found a good place for you - welcome - there's tons to read here about other people's experiences with this lovestyle - ask whatever questions you wish.

MrSteve 02-02-2010 02:42 PM

Hi, Welcome to the forum.

I had something very much like your experience happen to me and it was one of the best things in my life.

I'm married and have a nice wife, though we had some rough periods and during one of these there was a woman in Texas I'd begun spending a lot of time with on-line.

I knew her for about a year and a half (I outlasted two of her boyfriends) and even my wife became friendly with her, but it became sad for me because there seemed to be no "happy ending" - she lived far away and to see her meant to leave my wife and family alone ... and to not see her was just tearing me up, but one day she suggested coming to live with us ... now that was a beautiful thought :) It took months of talking with my wife to show her that it wouldn't be all bad for her either and eventually we both went to meet her.

We stayed there for 10 days and I was surprised how well everyone got along (like I said, my wife had already been talking with her some and they'd already been friendly and my wife had even been sympathetic to her for various reasons).

Ultimately, she never did come to live with us largely due to long-distance miscommunication and difficulty for her, but it ended up bringing me and my wife closer together ... and showed there's a better way to do things than the stereotype of how things are suppose to be.

Thank you for sharing your experiences here and I the best for all of you :)

GroundedSpirit 02-03-2010 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VernalBliss (Post 21493)
All of a sudden I find myself in a world that never even existed to me. ...................
I have never felt so comfortable or right in my life. That alone scares me to death because shouldn’t this feel wrong?

What an absolutely beautiful story ! Thank you SO much for sharing this with everyone !

It "should" feel wrong because we have been programmed that happiness and contentment are dangerous. It gives us more of a feeling of freedom. And if you are free you are harder to control ! And if you can't be controlled you are a threat.

But as your heart - and even head - are telling you - it FEELS right. And, at least for now, based on what you have shared, it IS right - for all of you ! And it's beautiful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by VernalBliss;
Of course it’s hurtful and makes me question everything. Of course I am scared and I don’t want to get hurt, but this feels so right to me.

AND.....
Quote:

Originally Posted by VernalBliss;
I tell myself even monogamous relationships come with risks and I should enjoy the present and not worry. They assure me that they’re in this for the long haul and I have become very important in their life. They both are great to me.

Life comes with risks ! Right ?
But people come (and sometimes go) in and out of our lives for reasons we sometimes don't understand. But the reasons are important. There's wisdom there waiting for us to embrace.
So if it were me (and it has been) I would embrace this, savor it, celebrate it but NOT cling to it. It is what it is - today - and it's beautiful and special. In one sense it will always be eternal. In earth/human time there's no projecting. But that can't diminish it's importance & beauty - unless you choose to.
Don't try to "possess" it - just flow with it and be happy.

GS

VernalBliss 02-03-2010 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit (Post 21601)

Life comes with risks ! Right ?
But people come (and sometimes go) in and out of our lives for reasons we sometimes don't understand. But the reasons are important. There's wisdom there waiting for us to embrace.
So if it were me (and it has been) I would embrace this, savor it, celebrate it but NOT cling to it. It is what it is - today - and it's beautiful and special. In one sense it will always be eternal. In earth/human time there's no projecting. But that can't diminish it's importance & beauty - unless you choose to.
Don't try to "possess" it - just flow with it and be happy.

GS

Thank you so much for this reply! That's exactly what I needed to hear. :) Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the moment.

MrSteve 02-03-2010 11:19 PM

I wanted to thank you again, VernalBliss for sharing with us (ok me!) your story and emotions. It's nice to "see" things from your perspective and you put a smile on my face for certain and helped give me a better picture of what I'm looking for also :)

There have been opportunities for me to be involved with someone else but I've passed a lot of those by and I think I know partly why ... my wife really is a big part of my life and is a great lady in many ways - your story stuck (and the beautiful sentiments) in my head and a couple days ago it really hit me what that "ideal" is that I'm looking for (there was a book I was reading too along similar lines) and basically it's just someone else who can be a part of my life and love my wife and family too ... just that "big happy family" - I don't want to subtract or throw away what's already there, but just add to it, grow it, share it etc. and not cut things into pieces or exclude parts etc. ... Spaghetti AND meatballs, not Spaghetti OR meatballs :D

Thanks for the inspiration!

River 02-04-2010 12:53 AM

VB,

Thanks for sharing your story! My own view is that "dating" a couple is very much like "dating" an individual. Some are great, some not so great, and some very not so good. So risk is risk is risk, as far as I can tell. You just need to discover which sort you've got -- and I wish you the best.

As a side-note, would you please use the edit function to insert paragraph breaks into your opening (and future) post/s? It makes reading much easier! Thanks!

Ariakas 02-04-2010 12:57 AM

I just wanted to re-iterate a thanks. I keep coming back to this to re-read as it is something my wife and I would like in our lives. It gives me some degree of hope that this dream of ours might be able to work.

thanks


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