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-   -   Wearing your wedding/engagement ring (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20971)

Naomi 02-04-2012 04:44 PM

Wearing your wedding/engagement ring
 
Hey guys! I tried a quick search to see if there were any other threads on this and couldn't find one... Please point me in the right direction if I missed it.

The question I wanted to ask is for those of you that are married or engaged and in poly/open relationships... Do you always wear your ring?

The main reason I ask is that if I'm wearing my engagement ring, the whole "Do you have a boyfriend" question won't even come up... Because they'll notice the ring and assume I'm married or engaged. If they notice the ring and make this assumption, it robs me of the opportunity to fill them in on the fact that I am actually still available... I don't want to be too obvious - as if I'm wearing a billboard that says I'm available - but I also don't want to give the impression that I'm off limits. I'd prefer it to just come up naturally but I feel as if a guy might notice my ring and have it deter him enough so that he wouldn't pursue a date or more intimate contact with me.

I'm trying a less... abrasive approach with men. In the past I've just had to be really upfront with men and pretty much just let them know I'm dtf and my man is okay with it. However, that takes away all the chase! I know men like to chase, and well, I like to be chased too! Since beforehand my man and I were only open to fuck buddies and no real romantic involvement, it wasn't as big of a deal and it was kind of the way I had to be - it wasn't about dating, it was just about sex. But now that we are also open to having other romantic partners, I think I'd like to introduce the whole dating and chase back into the mix!

Anyways, thanks for reading and I'd really appreciate it if anyone would share their thoughts or experiences on this.

The way I figure it, I'll wear my ring most of the time.. But maybe not when I'm on a first date with someone or specifically going somewhere in the hopes of meeting someone.

RunicWolf 02-04-2012 04:59 PM

Yea, pretty much. There are only a few situations that can get me to take my ring off my fingers. Things been planted there for going on twelve years at this point. I've got a big old bald indent in my finger when I take it off that's a few shades lighter then my skin, so even when I take it off it's still there so to speak.

Has this helped/hurt my dating? Yep, but no more so then my honesty about being married has. It's led me to a weird conclusion about poly/open relationships in that the men seem much more willing to share then the women, as it where, so my wife has gotten more attention (wanted or not) in that department then I have. However she's the same way I am, as in she'll wear her rings all the time with only a few things that can get her to take them off.

And for the record, the only thing we generally take them off for is full contact sports, LARP, and paintball. Wouldn't want the rings getting lost/damaged in all the excitement.

BrigidsDaughter 02-04-2012 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RunicWolf (Post 123489)
Yea, pretty much. There are only a few situations that can get me to take my ring off my fingers. Things been planted there for going on twelve years at this point. I've got a big old bald indent in my finger when I take it off that's a few shades lighter then my skin, so even when I take it off it's still there so to speak.

Has this helped/hurt my dating? Yep, but no more so then my honesty about being married has. It's led me to a weird conclusion about poly/open relationships in that the men seem much more willing to share then the women, as it where, so my wife has gotten more attention (wanted or not) in that department then I have. However she's the same way I am, as in she'll wear her rings all the time with only a few things that can get her to take them off.

And for the record, the only thing we generally take them off for is full contact sports, LARP, and paintball. Wouldn't want the rings getting lost/damaged in all the excitement.

I'm the wife! And I can barely get my rings off in the first place, so I don't bother with taking them off. Guys who have known me since before Runic Wolf proposed almost 14 years ago, heard I was poly and thought it was open season on that magical realm between my legs. Guys who'd always wanted to date me, who were in relationships with my female friends, suddenly were sending me PM's asking to hook up. What I've noticed is that some men are more turned on by the idea of wooing and bedding a married woman; they want to be the night in shining armor and get confused when the princess doesn't need or want to be rescued.

Phy 02-04-2012 05:42 PM

I wear my wedding band and I wear the ring Lind and I got for each other as well. Both on the ring fingers of each hand. But, I am not looking for another person right now. I guess, if I had a date I would go with the rings, just because I would have to tell the person sooner or later that this is what is my deal (if I haven't done so right from the start, which would be unlikely).

Both rings don't look like the normal golden ones, they are made of premium steel (hope that is the correct term) and I have two of them. Don't know if one would assume that those are couple rings or something like that.

If you feel that the ring is just a hindrance, leave it at home. It's just a symbol, you don't need it to validate your relationship with your husband, don't you? Just talk about what you are up to if you happen to meet a nice person. :)

ThatGirlInGray 02-04-2012 06:11 PM

As others have said, I pretty much always wear my rings. Very few things would lead me to take them off. I have a traditional engagement and wedding ring on one hand from MC and a less traditional ring for TGIB on my other hand.

I'm not actively looking right now, but when I was I still always wore my rings. Not wearing them felt like I was trying to mislead people or at least "get away with something". The way I see it, anyone who's going to dismiss me as someone to get to know because I'm wearing my rings is probably only looking for sex anyway, which isn't what I'm looking for, so no loss there.

threesnocrowd 02-04-2012 06:26 PM

Hi Naomi,
I would agree with Phy. When my wife finds a boyfriend and if everything goes well she will wear his ring on her right hand ring finger and my ring on her left hand ring finger. In the meantime she sometimes wears her ring around a chair as a necklace. That way she still has it on and it gives men an opportunity to talk about it an not think she's off limits. Good luck to you!

Critter 02-04-2012 09:22 PM

Im Greek Orthodox, so I wear my wedding set with my husband on my right. I wear my ring with my girlfriend on the right. The girl and I are thinking of upgrading our rings to a wedding band set soon... which I will wear on the left.

There are never any questions .... and usually it causes the people that do know to smile.

SchrodingersCat 02-04-2012 10:41 PM

I also wear my wedding and engagement rings. Like Runic, I have an indent where the rings are, so if I took it off it would look exactly like what it would be: A married woman taking off her wedding ring to pick up dates. The kind of people who would go for that are not the kind of people I have any interest in being involved with!

My husband works out town. When he goes to work (10&4's), he leaves his ring here. This is partially because his line of work would ruin the ring and he doesn't want to do that, and his lifestyle out there is pretty much work & sleep. It's not like he's going to go back to his trailer and put the ring on just to go to bed. Less likely that he'll lose it if it's at home. He puts it on when he comes home for his cycle breaks.

I've never been the type to actively look for dates. My best relationships have always come when I least expected it. The most I've done to "look" for dates is put up a profile on OKC and state that I'm polyamorous and what that means for me.

MichelleZed 02-04-2012 11:32 PM

My husband and I stopped wearing our wedding rings after a year of marriage. Jewelry isn't how we roll.

Vixtoria 02-04-2012 11:40 PM

Hubby wears his pretty much all the time. I got him one years ago for an anniversary that is made of a special metal that won't interfere with electronics work! Me, I always have ring on. I have a couple though. I'm cheap, not worried about money or diamonds so as long as I like it and it doesn't turn my finger green I'm good! Mostly I wear a silver one with clear crystals or a silver and turquoise one.

I've never NOT been up front about being married though. Even online in non dating situations. Sure being married might turn some off but being bi sometimes turns those on that I'm not interested in. I figure that's life!


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