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-   -   overreacting maybe... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20958)

fearfeasog 02-04-2012 02:31 AM

overreacting maybe...
 
so i've been with my GF for 10+ years, friends for longer. along comes polyamory. about 4 1/2 months ago. the other guy's about an hour and a half away, and she has gone to visit him for between a week to as long as 2 weeks at a time. only a couple times though really. i am used to the visiting and have stopped freaking out over my own internal thoughts about the 2 of them TOGETHER. but tonight she is on the phone with him right next to me on the couch, and though SHE is not saying anything particularly sexy, i can hear every word he's saying (loud phone!) and he is making jokes about getting sick because of kissing her, something about his d1ck ... i dunno, nothing like phone sex, at all, really. but just the fact that he is saying these things and giving me the images that i'm getting made me really uncomfortable. i asked her if she could talk in another room (maybe none to diplomatically) and now i think she's miffed. (i should have moved myself and explained / talked later.)

but anyway, i'm just letting off steam here, really i didn't expect that reaction from myself. i felt all irrational and was probably rude when i asked her about going into another room to talk. guh! why the hell is this so complicated!!!!????

i guess the thing is that i am not at the stage where i can be ok with them touching and being overtly affectionate in front of me, and in a way i saw this conversation as a bit too intimate for my comfort right now. honestly i don't even know if i like this guy yet. he's like 24 to our 40. (!!!) and he's on a whole different mental/emotional level.

anyway if you read this far thanks! ff

nycindie 02-04-2012 09:33 AM

Well, now you know what one of your boundaries are that needs to be established. Lots of couples have agreements to not take calls while they're with their partner, or designate specific days/times for that. At the very least it is simply manners to take the call in another room in order not to be intrusive, especially if you can hear them talking about dicks and fucking, etc., and that makes you uncomfortable. So, don't be bashful about asking to draw a line there.

SmoovMochaNut 02-06-2012 04:03 PM

I agree with nycindie. Simple manners is the big thing. If she doesn't want you to be "included" in their otherwise private conversation. Be courteous, and take the call to another room. This is normal, I think. It's weird seeing a spouse or partner have an intimate phone/text conversation with other people right next to you - and you not be involved. We all feel like we should be involved in any sex talk that our partner is having.

If i was texting/talking to a girlfriend about sex & other adult-related stuff with my partner there, she'd want to know what we were talking about. And I'd be ok with tell her about the entire event, but she wouldn't do the same with me. She'd have this long text session, but only verbally tell me the bits that she wanted me to know. Or she have a long, active phone session (laughing, giggling, etc) and come back to sit with me & say nothing about it....then 5min later she's sleepy or tired - again we're sitting with each other and not saying anything. We're long-time partners & have all these exiting things happen, but she usually has "nothing" to talk about...and I'm the boring one.


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