Me and My Girlfriend
I'm poly-curious, and I've been curious for several months. The difference now is that I have a girlfriend (first one ever! I'm 21 by the way). I told her about my curiosity at the start of the relationship, so everything would be clear. From here on, I'll call my girlfriend "Carol".
Carol is very religious (Christian). Even as I type this, she's musing about her chances of going to hell. (She has a habit of negativity that I'm helping to break.) She describes herself as "poly-concerned". She says that she wants me to happy, and she sortof understands the poly concept, but "I just want to be sure that God doesn't hate me." She does note that the Bible has examples of polyamory (well, polygamy, specifically), so she's mildly open to the concept.
In a couple months, I'm going to Japan. I'll be there for 6 months, maybe longer. (I mentioned this at the beginning, too). We're both concerned about the trials of long-distance relationships. I love Carol, and she loves me, and we don't plan on giving up on each other. Nevertheless, I think we both might benefit from polyamory, assuming that one (or both) of us meets a new partner.
Carol told me to post this so she can read your feedback. Hopefully you all can ease her fears a little, and/or give us some advice.
I think a lot of religions are heavily obsessed with "thou shall nots" and "thou shalls." I think rules are a hard way to deal with religion. (But it is easier with clear cut rules.)
As an example, the Old Testament preached that it was good morality to kill a woman in front of her parents if she was a non-virgin bride. There is no way we can see that is good today. The Old Testament also said that woman must marry her rapist if she was not already married or engaged. There is no way we can see these as good things, though the Old Testament claims that these are some of God's perfect and eternal laws.
I think a much better route is to go more with the New Testamrnt style of teaching. Throw away the old rules and just keep two: Love God and love your neighbor. I think if you base your morality and beliefs upon this idea, then life becomes simpler and also more complex. (I am an atheist, so take what I say with a grain of salt.)
Long distance relationships are hard. I know it heavily pushes a monogamous relationship. In theory, if both people are poly, then there is no need to break up. Even if they find someone else, there is no reason to end the other relationship (unless the new person insists on monogamy.)
I think it's important to keep in mind that love & compassion are at the foundation of all the world's religions. Coming to terms with our own spirituality is a quest on it's own. As Quath alluded to, it's also good to keep the 'big picture' in mind when it comes to religion & spirituality and not get too tangled up in 'specifics' that were written hundreds or thousands of years ago for a different culture (un-evolved) in a different time.
The concepts behind polyamory are not in conflict with living a moral, ethical life. Quite the contrary. Study it - absorb as much as possible - and you'll find that in theory there is no conflict.
In practice - well, like anything else - it takes practice.
Enjoy the journey :) Be kind to yourself and everyone else.
The Bible gives examples of a lot of things that I wouldn't find "ok". I find it amusing how sometimes people say they want to live according to the Bible but yet they take what they want and disregard the rest. People should think for themselves. The Bible is just a book, and any god that "hates" is no god of mine.
I disagree. long distance relationships are hard, period. Mono or not. the reason someone would break up is if needs are not being met, regardless of the relationship style. Some long distance mono relationships work, some don't - just like poly ones. I think it would be very hard for me personally to get my needs met to keep ANY long distance romance alive for a long period of time. That has very little to do with freedom to see others - more to do with time needed together with anyone I am with.
sorry to side track a bit. just wanted to say that.
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