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-   -   Greetings from Amsterdam :-) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20851)

400billionstars 02-01-2012 02:03 PM

Greetings from Amsterdam :-)
Hello everybody!

I live in Amsterdam, and my reason for joining at this moment is that I met two wonderful girls at the same time and place back in November last year.
I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years; it was the best possible kind of break-up and we are on very good terms, and we care for each other a lot.

I was always hoping to transform my previous relationship into a poly one, since I am a very open person myself, and she is too + she is bisexual, and in fact more into girls than guys. I was more the exception than the rule, you could say (I am male, for the reference).
It didn't work out that way in the end, since our communication over time broke down. Despite her openness, her views on what "should" be for herself are very strict. I hope some time alone will give her the courage to be more herself :)

Back to the two wonderful girls I met recently, as this is my reason for signing up right now. I'll refer to them as M and J.

Soon after meeting M I just couldn't get enough of this girl, and I felt very fortunate that she seemed to want to hang out with me as much as I did with her. I knew she had a boyfriend, but couldn't quite believe it until I met him - it is so unusual to be able to connect so freely with someone who's in a relationship. I was keeping a very open mind about my own feelings about her, because I think she is beautiful and wonderful, yet I did not have that urge to start a sexual relationship with her - which is unusual for me, to be honest.
She since broke up with the boyfriend, as her life is going in a direction where that relationship doesn't fit in.

For J, I was interested in this girl and she invited us to her place every start of the week, along with her other friends from the city.
I was always wondering whether she was interested in having sex with me, since I couldn't quite read her. That made it all the more interesting ;)
This Monday after the rest of the party had gone home, we watched part of a film and then made wonderful love all morning and got out of bed in the afternoon. It was absolutely beautiful.

Now I am reflecting on how to handle the situation; it simply doesn't work not to share with M that we had sex.
Though I have been open about my views on relationship at times we talked about it with both of them, I don't feel that my words have necessarily been strong enough to paint a clear picture of who I am.

I want to talk with them both about it all before M goes back to her home-country to work next week. I am a bit puzzled by how to tell them of my feelings of the whole situation without assuming to much on their part.
I have no idea whether M would be interested in me as well; I just know she might be, and so she could also be hurt by the news of me and J sleeping together - at least if the situationen is not handled right.

I will leave it at that - this is my story so far.
If anybody has comments, tips & tricks or experience to share, I would love to hear it. Also, if my question should go in another section, please let me know - I am not an experienced forum user :)

A most excellent day to everyone, catch you later!

ImaginaryIllusion 02-02-2012 02:26 AM

Without talking to each of them about how you feel, you'll never know. Without knowing, it could be a lot of stress over nothing...especially if M isn't looking for any bf for now, not just the one she left.

Welcome to the Forum.

400billionstars 02-02-2012 07:10 PM

Feeling good!

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion (Post 123178)
Without talking to each of them about how you feel, you'll never know. Without knowing, it could be a lot of stress over nothing...especially if M isn't looking for any bf for now, not just the one she left.

Welcome to the Forum.

Thanks for the welcome :)

I'd like to clarify that I am not looking for a girlfriend or to be a boyfriend.
Maybe it's just the labels that bug me; I don't want things to be labeled.
I do want to share a deep meaningful relationship with each of these women.
I also want my freedom :)

Yesterday evening I got a message from M informing me that J had told her.
I was caught by surprise, as I wasn't aware that they had met during the day.
I also met with M yesterday, but only very shortly, walking her to the station.
So it all became a bit emotion overload!

I wrote an email to M to explain to her how I feel.
That I in fact fell for her when I met her some months back.
She wrote back shortly to say thank you, and that she would find a quiet place to respond when she could find the time.

I explained to J that M is very important to me, and that I hope she keeps an open mind to the whole thing. I didn't have a chance to see her again yet, but my impression is that she is very understanding of the situationen.

There is a very interesting dynamic between the three of us; doesn't seem like anything is going to shake up the three-way friendship just like that.

I feel very excited about it all, and I look forward to seeing them both in the weekend. We were all planning on enjoying a nice and quiet evening together, talking to the early morning.
And even with all of this confusion there is at the moment, it seems to me we are all looking very much forward to it.

Who knows, maybe I just walked into my first polyamorus relationship :)

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