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-   -   And I am off and running, any advice for someone new to this? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20572)

Bells 01-26-2012 01:04 AM

And I am off and running, any advice for someone new to this?
I had posted a little while ago I had feelings for a particular guy who is poly and already in a few very serious relationships. We talked a lot and the end result is, he is making me a part of his life but there are just only so many hours in a day so I do not see tons of him. He is great with keeping in contact with me though. Anyways it just happened to work out that I met someone new and it was one of those cases where you meet someone and things just kind of got rather serious very quickly. He is fully aware of the situation with the first guy, and it totally fine with it, no issues. However in the course of a couple weeks I went from slightly entertaining the idea of poly to actually doing it.

I am sure I am going to end up making some mistakes along the way but I am hoping for maybe get some advice to keep from doing anything that would hurt either of these great guys. I see a lot of advice about people who are opening up existing relationships but these are both open from the get go. It is a little scary that they are both new relationships at the same time. I am trying to be as transparent about everything as possible with everyone. Just sort of hoping someone will have some advice on common mistakes. This happened pretty fast for me.

junco 01-26-2012 01:39 AM

hi bells. nice to meet you. it's kinda hard to know what to tell you. whether something goes right or wrong in any relationship depends on the people in it. so in your case it's really up to you and your two guys, unless i'm missing something? that's what makes love great: no rules except your own! possibly i'm missing something crucial here........am i?

Bells 01-26-2012 01:42 AM

Your not missing anything, I am just new and nervous. I don't usually meet people I really click with very frequently and for it to happen twice, and so close in time to each other is just very different for me.

nycindie 01-26-2012 01:55 AM

You are starting off on the right foot by being honest. Just know that you won't always feel comfortable with poly because you're new to it, but that is to be expected. You will likely have some old ideas/beliefs about relationships that come from monogamous culture, but if you talk about it, examine your thoughts and feelings, and stay true to yourself, you should be all right. I think you (and solos like you and me) have an advantage in some ways. While we don't have a spouse or established primary partner to fall back on for security, we are able to establish our boundaries, make choices for ourselves, and live on our own terms -- of course, with consideration for all involved.

I would also like to say that, because you are in the midst of feeling a rush for two new relationships at once, just think of the word "balance." By that I mean... be sure to remember to be available to yourself and take the time you need for self-nurturing, your own interests and goals, hanging with friends, and family, and be on the lookout for any times when you might "run" to be available for one or the other of your guys when you really need to get other things done for yourself.

And have fun!

redpepper 01-26-2012 04:55 AM

There are some threads that might give you some things to look our for. Try doing a tag search for "lessons" and "foundations" and see what you come up with. It sounds like you are starting out on the right foot to me.

SourGirl 01-26-2012 05:29 PM

Advice : Don`t run, walk. ;)

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