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-   -   Help willing mono transition (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2047)

msskellington 01-25-2010 06:54 PM

Help willing mono transition
 
As many of you probably understand. Sometimes, you end up in a mono marriage before you finally figure out that you are poly.

I have come clean to my husband and have been completely honest about my intentions and expectations. I gave him the option to leave w/o any fear of me trying to take the kids or milk him for all he's got. He would rather stay and try to transition.

I was just wondering, if there is any way to provide support to him and respect him while actively working toward making progress in my life? I'm trying my best to help him, but I just don't know how....

LovingRadiance 01-25-2010 07:51 PM

YES.
Please read the articles on polyamory on
www.xeromag.com

AND feel free to click on my profile, if you go to "find all posts, you can track back to the first ones.

I "came clean" with my husband September 25th which is right about the time I joined the board. He joined shortly there-after (Maca is his login).
We have posted a LOT of the thoughts, feelings and things that we've done and that have cropped up over the last few months.
But the long and short of it is that we are feeling SO much closer and happier (and yes I have a boyfriend) already.

It's VERY important for him to get info. He can read www.xeromag.com also-I sent SO many articles to Maca for him to read when this all started. There is one on there about "what your poly partner wants you to know" and that was a GODSEND.

Also-joining the board allowed Maca to talk to people on here (like Mono) who were in WORKING poly relationships and realize that yes I was SERIOUS that I DO LOVE HIM just as much as ever, I just have to be true to me.

There is a book, The New Love Without Limits, that I would say is a must read for you both.
There are others like "opening up" we found it useful in terms of creating a boundary list (VERY VERY IMPORTANT) because she gives LOTS of examples of topics to consider. But the rest of the book was just "so so".
I haven't read "ethical slut" but from what I've heard-it's not really "mono-person friendly" and I might skip that one for now.
Also-feel free to PM me. It's easier to post specific questions if you know that they aren't going to be blazing in bright shining color for the world, AND it's easier to give more specified personal advice if one has a specific question.

msskellington 01-25-2010 08:00 PM

Thank you so much LR!!

And please do expect some PMs....

I'm so glad to have found this place....I was so stressed, that eating and sleeping were becoming non existent activities....

I already feel as if a weight has been lifted.

LovingRadiance 01-25-2010 08:14 PM

Excellent.
Getting some relief is good!

Feel free to PM, I do live in Alaska, so keep in mind-the time differences sometimes mean I'm posting when others are asleep. :) But I do always repond. :)


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